The Monster Still Gets You In The End

Something in the Woods

The figure, just the head, half a torso and an arm leaked out of the tree in the shadow of the woods. At 300 meters out the figure was little more than a blur painted in swirling shadow color. Faceless at this distance, the eyes flicked on like small headlights. In dying neon yellow, they glowed like an old feline. Light struck out from its eyes as the last gasping sun streaks sank behind the hospital. In moments, the lights from Eve would flicker on and seek out the darkness. For moments I will be alone with it in the fading light.

I can feel the sun sink with its heat diminished by the smog. The thing moved its arm placing it on the tree. The sun disappears behind the Pacha Mountains beyond the Aminity Forrest. The creature tilted its head sideways. Its eyes began to flicker. Flying through colors, blue, purple, green, pink, red, orange, back to blue, back to purple, back to blue, it stopped there. Then there was a flash in the eyes as it winked and disappeared behind the tree. The rehabilitation centers flood lights blinked to life with a soft static noise behind me.

I rip the sheets out, hurling them at the wall. Like I do every morning as sweat flows down my bald head. I rub it away frantically away. This nightmare-it won't go away. That fucking thing out in the woods. Hunting, stalking, glowing eyes follow me everywhere. Just behind a door, around a corner, just out of sight. This dream won't leave me. Not since I saw it, her, whatever that thing is. That day, that moment, looking out into the woods before sundown replaying over and over and over; rubbing my mind raw.

I pull myself out of bed, the icy touch of the tile stabs my feet; I rub my face and brow attempting to smear out the anxiety and stress. I stumble to the pale white sink and wash my face in the sticky liquid from a water bottle, drying my face with a stiff towel. Walking back to the bed I keep my eyes averted from the windows silvery light; fearing the ray of neon light that awaits me in the shadows.

And yet I am there each and every night. At the fence, waiting for it, anticipating its hungry stair. It's exhilarating. It's a drug to me. My drug. The adrenaline pumping through my bloated veins, life palpitating in my chest. My life is false, fake, a shallow, colorless wrapper. That's why I need this drug. To live, to be something more than just an existence.

Fear stalks me. In the edges of my vision, I can feel it's thirsty stair. This, this gives me a supernatural sense of power. Immense control. That is the ecstasy of the drug. The premium of its intake. Authority and control juxtaposed with pure life coursing through me. I may be destined to die in this Dome, but for a while, I will have the power of when and how.

If I seem insane then let me ask you this; have you ever sat across from a beast and looked into its eyes? Have you seen its desire to devour you? How it craves to carve into you? Have you felt the innate satisfaction of looking through the cage walls into a carnivores eyes, knowing you triumph over this beast; knowing that you have trumped death? This is my power. Death, I am not yours yet, you want me, but you cannot have me. And Life? I am your master; I choose how long you may last, despite your cries for me to continue; I choose. I choose! I am the master of MY life and MY death, for now, but I know the day beckons, I can feel it in my veins. I can see my end in the shadows of the forest where my monster waits. But for now, I take my drug.

Like most evenings I wait for her at the fence, I can feel the last rays of light seep out of the murky sky. It will be dark soon, but it still isn't here. I grow nervous. I can feel sweat begin to secrete. Then in the tall grass, perhaps 15 yards out from the steel fence protecting me. I see its sleek jaguar frame, jaggedly smooth shapes, and panic yellow eyes, there it is in all its strange beauty. Through its thin, loose fitting t-shirt I can make out she is female, worn blue jeans cover her legs.

My breath catches in my lungs like a cloth on thorns. She has never been this near, never been anywhere closer than the tree line. She takes a soft step towards me, predator muscles rippling underneath her skin. Searchlights crackle to life. She slinks back into the dark. I allow my stomach erupt. God, did it ever feel so good to be alive? 

 She wants to meet tonight at midnight. My heart is pounding like a sledgehammer against my sternum. I can't refuse. She is my drug. Straight cocaine to the brain. I crave the fear. I need the control, but now this train is flying down the track at the end of the railing. She is feet from me almost touching the fence when she asks me to meet her; she can see me shake. I quiver out a nod. The lights flicker on. I clamp my eyes shut. The dead grass rustles, and she's gone.

Relief flows over me. I let out a gasp. It's like ice water on fire. I can't help but smile as I collapse to the ground in euphoric high. Letting my knees hit the dirt, I let out a hysterical laugh. Could this be the last time? Death could finally touch me tonight, and there is nothing Life can do about it. Then I cry. Then I laugh. As the two sides pull at my consciousness; rip me apart. I want it to end. But life pulls me away with its ever present anxiety and fear-Death pulls me with hopelessness and despair and pain.

I can't refuse. I'm too far in. I've come this far. I have to finish. Later on, I curl up in a ball of distress on my bed, crying, fretting, panicking, and oddly calm. I consider the peacefulness of conclusion...but the final act scares me. So much could happen. None of the possibilities in my head sound acceptable as my imagination takes my mind's eye down a hallway of torture. At some point, I fall asleep.

It's late when I wake. I don't have a watch, so I have no clue what time it is. I exit my room. Nobody's there. No one is in the halls. It's absolute in silence. The guards aren't there as I walk through the yard. I don't have to do anything, just walk to the chain link fence.

I feel calm, a resignation to the finality of the situation I suppose. I stand just a few feet from the chain link fence and wait. The Changed is already waiting for me at the edge of light with glowing eyes. She raises a hand; I raise mine. Her hips dissect the tall dead grass as she walks. The fence makes hardly a rustle as she climbs over. With a movement of grace, she's over the barbered wire. Her feet hit the dirt with the softest pad. She stands almost as tall as me. I am in a trance.

Hesitantly, with stops and pauses, with tenderness, she places her hand against my chest, over my beating heart. She pulls away when my heart pounds against my chest. Her soft touch reconnects me to reality like an electric shock.

"So this is how it feels." She says. Her voice is gentle and cold enough to stop lava. Retracting her hand with the same hesitant, painfully tender motion, she looks gingerly at it. She turns to go. Her hands touch the fence. She climbs over and jumps absorbing into the darkness and then she left.

The following night we meet again. This time, she's waiting for me on my side of the fence. My legs quiver with each step I take towards her. She wears the same worn jeans and a V-neck that falls elegantly over her frame, defining her body. Her eyes are the warmth of a hearth.

I've stopped quivering again now that she is so close. I can't describe the emotion. The moment, me and her with no one else. I can feel her tension. I can feel mine. This overwhelming feeling is bursting from my chest, growing, expanding. She places her hands on my chest again. She leans in, soft, tender, nervous, scared; her lips press against mine. This love is my drug. One kiss turns into many; time stops.

She pulls away, speaking gently to me "You are dying, I can feel it. Come with me, and you may live."

The breath from her words imprints warmth across my neck as she receides back into the shadows and I follow.