Hitler x Nicolas Cage

Chapter 1 // Oof

     Nicolas Cage wakes up to the sounds of Hitler sleep strip dancing in the living room to "Welcome to my Mine." He reluctantly walks downstairs and humps the couch. After half an hour of humping the couch Nick jumps at the sound of a sharp knock at the door. "Shit," Nick thinks to himself "I forgot Caillou was going to to take us shopping at Sally's Discount Sex Dungeon and get us Geico car insurance (15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance)." Nick threw on some Supreme pants and a shirt made out of paper bags that said "Skiddly Skoodly I ate your Scoliosis and Shat on your Minecraft X Box." Realizing it took him over an hour to get dressed, Nick runs to the door entirely made out of salami to make sure Caillou doesn't wait any longer, or so he thought it was him. When he opened the door Caillou, of course, was standing there trying to eat out his own a**. Yet there was something wrong with him, something GoAnimateish about him.

     "Sorry, I was trying to pick out a fabulous outfit." Nick exclaimed.

     "It's okay, sorry I was trying to eat out my own ass," Caillou replied. "I orgasmed a lot."

     "That's fine," Nick reassured, "come inside."

     Caillou was known to eat out his own a** when he was bored, he began this  habit when he went to the dentist. The dentist, obviously, told him to leave because they think it's "disgusting" to eat your a** in public. Plus they didn't work on a**es.

     They both walk in to see Hitler passed out on the couch with c*m stains all over his long pubic hairs and his Shrek costume he was wearing. Nick wakes him up by Gangnam Styling on top of him. He wakes up in a cold sweat.

     "I'M PICKLE RIIIIIIICK!" He shouts at the top of his lungs.

     After a minute he realizes that he isn't Pickle Rick and becomes mildly depressed because of it. Hitler has had a fascination of Pickle Rick and a desire to become him ever since He and Nick got married. In fact so much so that he'd shove pickles up his a**hole and scream "I'M PICKLE RICK" in hopes of becoming him one day. He'd even go to Sally's Discount Dungen, the Ao Oni room, Burger King, Geico, or even the Flex Tape factory, dress in a Pickle Rick costume and scream "I'M PICKLE RICK" or "WHERE'S MY SZECHUAN SAUCE?!" and would shove pickles up his a**hole in front of everyone.

     "Bwbleblahblop we have to go to Sally's Discount Sex Dungeon and get Geico car insurance (15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance) with Caillou," Nick informed.

     Hitler reluctantly got up and got dressed into his long shirt that says "Fork Knife" on it and nothing else and walked out the door with Nick and Caillou. Unlike Nick and Hitler, Caillou was very enthusiastic about going. The only why Nick accepted the offer to go prior was because he felt bad for Caillou and didn't want to upset him. After a few minutes of driving in the Invisible Boat Mobile they arrived to their destination, Sally's Discount Sex Dungeon. They notice Mark Zuckerberg (The Zucc) pissing in a tree outside of Sally's Discount Sex Dungeon.

     "Oh hey Zucc." Nick says, shocked to see Zucc here.

     "Sup Nick?" Zucc says casually, Turing around as his massive "member" flops around.

     His "member" would flop with every syllable he said.

     "So when did you start working here?" Nick questioned with the raise of his left eyebrow.

     "Not too long ago," Zucc answered, "Drag Queen Donald Trump got me a job here after riding his "member."

     "Oh, how big was it?"

     "about 3 centimeters, though he had long pubes and when you ride someone with pubes it gives an amazing sensation."

     " Well that's good to know."

     Caillou was eating out his a** and Hutler was causing 9/11 again. Afterwards they walk in to an arrangement of items such as plastic sticks, images of old people, manuals on how to clip your toenails, and much more.

     "Guys I'm gonna go clean out my umbilical cord, I'll be right back." Caillou says.

     He walks into the Umbilical cord cleaning room. Though instead of cleaning his umbilical cord, he instead continued his EVIL plan.

     "HE HE HE," Caillou mumbled to himself, "They'll never know that I'm not actually Caillou, I'm Kaylou!" [Side note: he's the evil, GoAnimate version of Caillou and he's god.]

     Kaylou jumps at the sound of someone walking out of the umbilical cord cleaning stalls, it's Mermaid.

     "EEEEEEEVVVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" He shouts.

     Kaylou walks out to find Nick, Hitler, and The Zucc talking about Hepatitis C. Nick noticed Kaylou walking out.

     "Hey Caillou." Nick said as Kaylou was approaching not completely knowing he was actually Kaylou.

     "H-Hey N-N-Nick." Kaylou suspiciously answered but what he had said came out as a shuddered mess.

     Nick became even more suspicious of Kaylou than he was before. Especially since he can hear Mermaid Man screaming "Evil" from the umbilical cleaning room. He was about to question Kaylou until he heard Hank Hill in the printing area.

     "Do I look like I know what a jpeg is," Hank exclaimed, "I just want a picture of a god dang hot dog!"

     Nick, Hitler, Zucc, and Kaylou begin trading Pokemon cards with Hank. Hank had this amazing card called the Supper Ultra Lego Poké "Member." The card was an image of one of George Bush's leaked nudes. He had a long 5' 3" "member" with huge hairy balls and a tattoo of 9/11 on his stomach. Hitler, upon seeing this, becomes jealous of Hank. He then rips it out of Hanks hands and eats it.

    Kaylou's mom walks in looking for a Britney Spears costume. After entering, she sees Nick, Zucc, and Hank yelling at Hitler, sees Kaylou doing the GoAnimate dance, and hears Mermaid Man still shouting "Evil" in the umbilical cord cleaning room. Kaylou's mom immediately jumps to the conclusion that Kaylou caused all of this.

"KAYLOU!" His mother says fiercefully, "YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR 47,335 YEARS!"

     The room goes silent, except for Mermaid Man who kept yelling "Evil." Kaylou and his mom walk out of the store. Nick then mumbles to himself "I knew it."

                                                {5 years later}

     Nick walks into the hospital and asks the nurse to see Hitler, she points Nick to his room. Once arriving near his room, he then asked a doctor right by the room how Hitler was doing.

     "Not too good, he isn't waking up," The Doctor explained, "I think it's time to pull the plug."

     "Please don't!," Nick pleaded, "give him a few more weeks!"

     "Alright, I'll give you 4 more weeks but if he doesn't wake up we'll have to pull the plug."

     "THANK YOU!"

     Nick runs to Hitler's room and sits by him and lies his head on Hitler's shoulder. "It's like loss," Nick thought. | || || |_

                                            {To be continued}