Trouble with Tiana

Heartache

Biana screamed as she fell, down and down. Her friends' voices echoed in her ears as she plummeted. But it was too late, and they all knew it...

Biana gasped, clutching her chest, her heart pounding. She sat up in bed and wiped the cold sweat of her forehead, breathing heavily. Her legs shook as she slid off the bed and shakily walked to the bathroom. She sighed as she ran her hands through her sticky, sweaty hair. She squinted at her puffy eyes in the mirror, wiping away the tear stains down her cheeks. 'It was just a dream.' She told herself, 'You're okay, everyone's okay.' But they weren't okay. Not even close. She tiptoed to her emparter, her voice choked as she whispered "Show me Tam Song."

A few seconds later Tam's face filled the screen, his face etched with worry. Biana opened her mouth to speak, but she didn't even know what to say. She hiccuped, some more tears spilling over, running down her face. Tam blinked, his eyes shutting for a second longer than need be. "I'm here," he whispered, not knowing what else to say. Biana nodded, the words helped, but not enough. Tam frowned, "It wasn't your fault," he told her again, needing Biana to believe it. Biana nodded, but inside, the guilt was like a pit of tar, relentlessly trying to pull her under, no matter how hard she fought to escape. Like it or not, she had played a part in her friend's death. She knew she would have to come even with that eventually, but now, all they could do was keep fighting. Make sure every tragedy, every death was avenged. "Did you hear me?" Tam repeated, worried when Biana didn't respond. Biana blinked, she had zoned out on him. "Yeah sorry, what did you say?" She asked, embarrassed. Tam rubbed his tired eyes, "Do you need me to come over?"

Biana sniffled, unable to meet Tam's eyes as she said, "Meet me at the wanderling woods." Tam shook his head, "Biana, you can't keep going back there. Seeing the tree won't fix anything. It will just make you feel worse." Tam's voice cracked on the last sentence, "Please." Biana's face crumbled, "Somewhere else then?" She needed to get away right now, all rooms were too suffocating. Fitz wasn't speaking, he'd been in his room for days now. The others were at home, mourning as well. But she couldn't sit it home, wasting the days. Her friend's death shouldn't have happened, but it had happened. Although a part of her conscious was screaming that it was her fault, it wasn't really. It was the Neverseen's fault. And they were going to pay.

Tam tapped the screen of his imparter to get Biana's attention, her eyes were all unfocused and she was staring into space again. He held up a crystal, "The Crooked Forest?" He asked her. He swallowed, hoping she'd agree. He couldn't handle it when she shut him out like that, he needed her to open up to him, now more than ever. Otherwise, it was going to tear him apart. He watched Biana's face, tears welling up in her eyes. "Ok," she whispered through the screen. She forced her numb legs over to her closet, where she quickly threw on a tunic, pants and some boots. She reached out to take her cloak, unable to decide if she would need it. In the end, she grabbed it. Who knew how cold it might get there in the night? Her hand hovered over a pen and paper, should she write a note to say where she went. She pulled away her hand, no. None of her family would probably even notice she was gone. And she also didn't want anyone to come interrupt her private time with Tam. They'd seen each other privately so rarely these days, always working in large groups. And as much as her head wrestled with her heart, she needed some alone time with him. He seemed to be the only one who didn't blame her. Or maybe he did. Biana let out a defeated sigh, he wanted to come with her: hopefully that meant they were okay.

A cold wind whipped Biana's hair around her face and as she shivered: she was glad she had decided to bring a cape. Tam was already here, a sad smile on his face as she forced her legs to walk her over to him. For some reason, every movement seemed to take so much energy. Her heartbeat doubled, pounding in her throat. "Hey." Biana's voice echoed around the whole forest. "Thanks for letting me come. You know you can call me whenever." Tam replied. Biana shut her eyes, his sweet smile made her want to melt into a puddle of goo. But she forced those kinds of thoughts the back of her head. "Your welcome." She replied, emptying her voice of emotion. She hid her smile behind her hair; she was actually surprised how un-surly he seemed alone with her. All the sarcasm and bitterness swept away. She still hadn't decided what side of Tam she liked better. Tam's smile turned defeated and forced, "So, rough few days?" He asked, not even sure why he was asking. He seemed to have no control over his emotions or speech around Biana, and it made him uncomfortable. He wasn't used to opening up so much. But for some reason that he couldn't put his finger on, she seemed to make him do it anyway. Biana shivered and wrapped her cloak tighter around her shoulders, "You could say." She didn't think rough was a strong enough word to describe the last few days but she couldn't think of any other words to describe them. She looked up, hoping that Tam couldn't see the tears that had started to come again. She wiped her eye furiously, but the tears kept coming, pouring down her face like an unstoppable river. She stood there, frozen to the spot, her heart aching as unknown emotion burned behind Tam's eyes.

He took a cautious step towards the shaking silhouette of Biana. When she didn't react, he took another few steps, leaves crunching under his feet. He closed the distance between them and wiped away the tears streaming down her face. His entire hand tingled were it had touched her cheek and his heart raced so fast, he thought it might leap out of his chest. Biana looked down, teardrops clinging to her long eyelashes. "Sorry," She murmured, not even sure what she was apologising for. Tam watched her shiver again and debated giving her his cape. But he didn't think she would appreciate that, she didn't need someone to lean of all the time, she was strong enough. Tam closed his eyes, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering around as he reached out and wrapped his arms around her. Biana relaxed in his arms, thankful for the body heat. Tam stood there, his legs shaking as Biana cried into his shoulder. In his head, warning signs screamed at him to pull away, but he couldn't make himself do it. The temptation to let her cry in his arms overruled his thoughts and he pulled her in closer.

Biana stared into Tam's intense eyes, trying to ignore the part of her brain wishing she would find a pair of bright periwinkle eyes instead. She hated herself for it, a lump was already forming in her throat again. But no matter how much Tam held her, it couldn't erase the cold reality that Dex was gone. She was crying harder now, soaking her tears on his shoulder. A memory streaked through her head of her crying on Dex's shoulder, when they had been explained the Forkle twin situation. She pulled away, gasping for breath. "I can't!" She gasped, stepping away from him, trying to ignore the hurt in Tam's eyes when he asked her, "Can't what?" Biana stumbled back, hating herself. Her heart felt like it was being torn in two. Because Dex was gone, and nothing could ever erase that. Nothing Tam ever said would erase the grief she had felt when she lay there, paralysed from a melder blast as the Neverseen threw Dex off the edge of the cliff. She clutched her head, trying to shove the memory out of her mind. Her head screamed at her that it wasn't her fault she was paralysed, unable to help; but her heart kept screaming that she could have saved him if she had fought harder. "Biana please." Tam whispered, dropping to his knees in front of her. "Let me help." Biana shook her head vigorously, "Nothing you can do will ever make it better." She told him, hating herself for hurting his feelings. She could see the pain and hurt in his face as she held up her home crystal, it pained her for leaving him, but she couldn't bear it. As she kept away, for the first time in a long time, Tam Song cried.