Why can't i just tell him!

going to louis house or not....

After our intense talk a few days before, Harry and I had gone back to our usual ways. There was nothing off about the way our friendship was progressing, “What’s crackalackin’ homie?” Louis asked, bounding into the seat beside me. I started, being pulled out of my thoughts.

“Hmm? Just thinking, I s’pose. You?” I had my iPhone out and was browsing my calendar. The dates were all blurring together and time was progressing much too fast.

“I’m waiting for my girlfriend to call.” Louis and I had discussed his girlfriend the night before, a beautiful young woman who went by the name of Hannah Walker. From everything he had told me about her, she sounded fantastic and I was very excited to meet her.

“You gonna introduce her to the guys when you get to your place in a few days?” The boys were leaving in a couple of days to visit Louis’ house in Doncaster and the date had arrived too soon for my liking.

“Definitely. Anyway, she’s just gone off somewhere, said she’d call me back in a bit. So, I thought I’d come bother you!” His voice was too cheery for my liking and I realised he probably had a hidden agenda. I poked my tongue out at him and threw my phone back onto the coffee table.

The boys were over at my house today for a few hours, to get to know “the real me”. Niall and Harry were currently playing an intense game of tennis on the tennis court. Liam and Zayn were seated on the veranda, sipping cocktails that I had made for them. Louis had excused himself to call his girlfriend whilst I had ventured inside to grab a drink, before becoming distracted by my phone.

“Thanks for bothering me. Now go bother someone else,” I lightly said, lounging back in the chair.

“I don’t really know. You guys are going away and I’m not going to see you…well, I’m not going to see you unless you all get into the finals…” I trailed off, the full extent of the predicament dawning on me. My eyes began to well up, but I bit back the tears. Standing up, I walked over to the fireplace and busied myself by tidying my school photos that were on display on the beech wood mantelpiece.

“We’ll all get into finals, no biggie. Besides, regardless of whether we pass the next stage or not, we’re all going to keep in contact. No doubt

After spending a week or so at zayn'splace in Bradford, they headed to Ireland to spend some time with Niall’s family before returning to Doncaster to visit Louis and his hometown. Finally, just before heading to Simon Cowell’s house, they were going to pass a week or so in Wolverhampton with Liam. It was quite saddening to realise that my time with the boys was limited or even coming to an end. I hoped they all got into finals. That’s all I really wanted.

We’d vowed to stay in touch, but the stresses of life were likely to get to us. I closed my eyes.

while harry was away i still had to go to  school and tonght is the school trip to the fair 3 hours away and they where going to be spending 5 days there,i wasnt allowed to go because of the cancer. So i guess i will just be sitting on the sofa and watching movies tonight. My phone vibrated

Smile it isnt that bad haha! xxx Harry

he knows i hate maths, i repled: 

I try to but its hard without you here! xxx

he replied

Well lucky for you, you wont have to miss me for much longer :) xxx

my reply

yea i get to see you for 2 days then you leve for like what 5 months? xxx

his reply

i will be home sooner than you think! xxx

what did he mean by that "miss Andrews please put your phone away" "sorry sir" the blond bimbo asked "so whats it like being friends with someone that's on TV?" "well i kind of haven't seen him on the TV yet" " what! you are suppose to be his best friend" "I am"

 "now class copy from page 116" there was a knock at the door, i didnt bother looking up because i was too busy copying "miss Andrews, it seems that you are alowed to leave class early and there is a note for you at the office, you may leave" i packed up my stuff and headed to the office " i have a note here" the office assistant handed me the note 

go home there is a surprise in your room, love mum xoxo

i love surprises,  i waited for the bus that was heading to my house, it wasn't a long ride so i hopped of the bus and walked very fast to my house "MUM WHERE ARE YOU" i shouted, but there was no reply.I ran up to my room and opened the door, lying on my bed was a note saying 

turn around

i closed my eyes the turned around slowly, i was scared i don't know what it was going to be or what was going to happen.i slowly opened my eyes to find a boy with curly hair centimeters away "HARRY YOU ARE BACK" i yelled pulling him into my arms he picked me up and spun me around.

"what are you doing here ?" " i am here because i know it is the school trip and i know you won't be going so Louis was asking if you wanted to go to Doncaster with us and then head back up when its time to go back to school ?" "yes yes yes yes and yes" no no no no no i have an appointments with my doctor about what my treatment would involve and what i would have to do " harry i am sorry i cant got to Doncaster with you" "why not" " i just cant okay.... sorry its just my mum isnt well again and dad is going on buisness" " oh okay, well we are leaving soon in like an hour so i guess this is goodbye...again" "no harry i am not saying goodbye to you again,i hate it goodbye means an ending so this is a see you later" "okay see you later"he said and picked me up and supn me around,placed me down and kissed my cheek.

Before I knew what I was doing, my tears began to soak the thin grey t-shirt on Harry’s chest. He pulled me closer and rubbed my back, comforting me. Harry, of all people, would’ve known that feeling ostracized and being ignored were two of my biggest pet peeves, if not fears. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to stem the flow of tears however this was to no avail. The fabric around my face continued to darken. Harry didn’t push me away, he held me for what must’ve been a good few minutes.I looked up at him and saw him with tears in his eyes "harry stop crying" "you know i miss you,i just really wanted you to come but i understand" i lifted my arm and wiped his tears but his eyes are still red " why do you all ways do that when i cry" "i HATE it when you cy it just makes me upset and it is only you and my mum that i hate to see cry" "i hate to see you cry to" "well i guess we both shouldn't cry then,yea ?" "Yea and if we get through to the live shows then you are going to come down as my special guest every week arnt you ?" "well maybe not every week what about your mum and sister?" "well most weeks then?" "definitely" 

Finally, after I felt that I had exhausted my tears, I pulled away and looked up at him."i need to go goo-see you later" "see you later"

When harry left i lay on my bed cuddling the teddy he gave me and his t-shit that still smelled like him and cried, i cant keep doing this.

i have to forget...i have to make him forget.   i pulled out my phone and phoned Louis "hello" "Louis i need you" " okay i will be over as soon as i Can but it wont be for long" "its okay i just have to go through a plan with you okay?" " okay be there in 5" while waiting for Louis i thought over the plan over and over again in my head telling myself that this has to work, i know it will hurt me but this is for him not me   knock knock   "hey Lou" "hey tay whats up?" "i need you to get a girlfriend for harry,make sure they are in love and most importantly make sure he forgets me." "Taylor me and you both know that will never happen" "Louis we have to make it work because i am in love with him Louis and i don't like this feeling knowing that i am going to have to leave him and i don't want that " " okay i will try but not making any promises" i smiled widely and ran over to Louis and gave him a huge hug "thank you for keeping this a secret,the rest of the boys just cant know right now.Its not the right time":you just have to make sure you tell them before its to late" " i will"

me and Louis just where talking about how there time has been as a band and how they have became so close to one another so quickly "see you later i guess, bye love"  "bye Lou tell Hannah i said hi" "will do" and with that he left.This is going to be so much harder than i thought......