but, I love you

f i v e

*Alec PoV*

I woke up and already could feel that today would bring strange things. It's Friday and I almost couldn't be happier. 

School was as usual. Naomi invited me to party, which basically meant I could forget about all my problems and just relax. 

~~~ a few hours before the party

"Yes mom, I won't drink."

"Come on, don't lie to me. I was once young too, I know what happens at parties. All I'm asking you is to drink responsible and don't get pressured into any drugs you don't want to take!"

"Allright." I said a little uncomfortable with my parents knowing im going get drunk or high or both tonight. But on the other side it was really cool how they were. Not pretentious and strict when they themselves did illegal things once.

"Now go up there and get ready. Maybe shower? You never know if maybe meat a nice girl on a party like this." I was about to answer when she added something really quick. "Or boy!"

I smiled at her gave her a kiss "Did you just say I stink? Love you mom." I walked upstairs. I looked for something comfortable but cool to wear tonight. I chose a green sweater wich sort of matched my eyes. My eyes are weird let me tell you that. They are a mix of three colors that sometimes change. They're green, grey and brown. I took some black pants and laid my clothes on my dresser. I got undressed and went into the shower. 

I put the towel around my waist and started to brush my teeth. I spit out the minty toothpaste and watched it run the drain. I suddenly felt tired and a little self conscious. I love hanging out with friends, drinking and smoking. But i don't necessarily liked parties, especially parties where the host is a jock, who is mostly friends with other jocks. Fuck it, I'm gonna have fun. If not I'm stealing some of their weed and have fun on my own. I got dressed and walked towards Naomi's house, from there we'd walk together to the party.

~~~

We heard the party before we could see it. The speakers we're blasting some mumble rapper. Somehow jocks like bad music, better said bad rappers. Naomi as well didn't like mumble rappers but that's only when she is sober. A few drinks in and she is the one dancing on the table. It was quite funny. 

We walked the steps up to the entrance, we saw the host and greeted him. He kinda looked at me weird, sort of like he was confused why I was here. Trust me, I would normally never go to a party with people like this. He nodded at me and I nodded back with a little smile. After all, I'm going to drink and smoke for free tonight, might as well be nice to him. He shortly said where what was and then disappeared into the crowd. Nao smiled at me and screamed in my ear "I'm going to get me something to drink! Are you coming?" I nodded and we made our path through the drunk dancers.

I took the bootle of vodka and filled some of it in a red cup. I took another one and filled with some juice they had. On the way to the 'bar' I saw the smoke room. I told Naomi where I was going and she she nodded and smiled. She herself would probably go find her boyfriend Brendan and make out after getting absolutely shit-faced. I was greeted in the room with a big cloud of weed smoke that blew in my face. I took a deep breathe and sat down on a empty couch chair. There where around 8 people in the room. Two jocks with girls on their lap, 3 school Stoners and a single guy who looked like a jock I haven't really seen before in school. I put my cups on the table. There was a ton of weed laying on the table with everything you needed to consume it. I took the weed-grinder and put a good amount in it. I took a paper and a filter tip and placed the weed on the paper. I rolled it up and tucked the joint behind my ear. I took my cups and stood up. I grabbed a lighter and made my way out of the room. 

I walked up the stairs dodging the couples making out on the stairs. It was a three story house and I walked all the way up. Up here it was a little more quiet. I looked in a room, it was empty. I left the door open and walked towards the door which led onto a balcony. I sat down on the floor, there was enough space between the railing and balcony to dangle my legs. I could see the neighborhood and some people partying in the garden. I saw Naomi dancing and kissing with Brenden and smiled. They looked happy. I took a sip from the cup and swallowed the clear liquor. I took the joint from my ear and laid it next to me on the ground. I heard footsteps behind me and I turned around and saw the jock from the weed room walk towards me. He had a small smile on his face. I couldn't tell if it was either him being high out his mind or if he was amused to see me here. Which could definitely be the case, seeing how I sat here like a little kid at a party.

"Hey" he smiled shyly and walked closer. "Hi" I simply replied. "I thought I saw you walk up here."

"Oh sorry, am I not allowed up her?" I said self-conscious. 

"Actually, not really. But seeing this is my room it's okay." he said with a small chuckle.

"Damn, sorry! I just marched up here looking for quiet place." I replied feeling stupid and embarrassed to just walk around in a strangers house and go into a room to chill on a balcony.

"It's all good. I'm just happy I cleaned." he said. It was dark but if I think I saw a small blush on his cheeks. I grinned. "I'm Alec by the way."

"Clayton. I'm Jacksons little brother."  

Jackson, that's the hosts name. Good to know. "How old are you, if you don't mind me asking."

"16. You?"

"17." I licked my lips as they turned a little dry. I saw his eyes flicking down and watching my lips.  When he looked back up he looked a little embarrassed. I looked at him with an amused look on my face. "Please don't tell anyone." He suddenly said scared. "Tell what to whom?"

"Tell anyone I like boys." he said. He turned his head and stared down in the garden as if there was nothing more interesting. "You probably are disgusted by me now."  fear in what he said. As if I could stand up be disgusted by him and maybe even beat him up. I chuckled "Why should I be disgusted?" He looked up, dazzled by my nonchalant reaction. "Because I'm gay, and most people think it's disgusting." I leaned closer to him and placed a small kiss on his lips.

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