Ellie the Marauder | Sirius Black

|9| You Need To Talk To Him

You've just got to talk to him El. No big deal. Just walk up to him and say... what do I say?! 'Hello friend! How's your morning been? I'm in love with you, oh can you pass the bacon?' Not bloody likely.

Oh the whole thing was becoming much more complicated than it really needed to be, no doubt about that.

I begrudgingly went to breakfast, only because Lily insisted that I be properly nourished (a very James Potter-ish thing to do if you ask me). I sat feeling awkward and on edge... as if Sirius would pop up out of no where. Thankfully he didn't, I'm pretty sure I would have turned back into a cat again if he did. Minnie would definitely not approve.

I sat and ate my breakfast (consisting entirely of bacon and French toast) and thought over things. I loved Sirius... but I did not want to date Sirius. Actually, not true. I wanted to date the crap out of that boy... but I didn't want what went along with dating Sirius. Dating Sirius would mean the Marauders could get awkward.. or so I told myself. I knew James and Remus shipped the two of us more than James and Lily... which is saying something. But that annoyingly intrusive paranoid voice in my mind kept barging in and saying things like, 'IF YOU BREAK UP YOU WILL MAKE EVERYTHING SUPER FREAKING AWKWARD AND THE WORLD WILL CRUMBLE INTO ASH AND DUST UNDER THE CRUSHING WEIGHT OF YOUR AWKWARDNESS!' Now usually when encounter this intrusive voice I say, 'calm your tits you dramatic bag of neuroticism' but today I was thinking more along the lines of, 'you know, you have made some valid arguments,'

Once finished with my bacon with a side of teen angst, I walked back to the common room with Lily. Upon entering, I was instantly greeted by James Freaking Potter. At first I thought he was going to ask Lily out again, I was actually looking forward to it... But instead, he turned his attention to me. This will be fun.

His eyebrows were knitted together, his lips were pressed together in a straight line. "Snugs. You need to talk to him." he said in his authoritative mum voice.

"I already told her that, James." Lily said before I had a chance to speak. Did she just call him James?

"What exactly am I supposed to say?" I ask.

"Well why don't you start with explaining to him why you ran up a freaking tree last night to avoid him!" he said grumpily.

"Or why you avoided kissing him when you're in love with him!" Lily added.

"Hey! I never told you about being in love with him!" I said grumpily before realizing my mistake. I clamped my had over my mouth, my eyes wide, my ears burning... along with the rest of my poor face.

"YOU LOVE HIM?!" James cried out. "OI! MOONY! YOU OWE ME 5 GALLEONS!" He hollered across the room to a rather pale Remus who responded with a rather rude hand gesture.

"Would you stop it?!" Lily said thwacking James on the arm. "She obviously needs our help." Lily said to the grinning bespectacled boy.

"Alright my Lily love, you're right. She does need our help." He said with a mischievous grin that made me start to worry. I know that grin. It means trouble. He leaned over to whisper something into her ear.

Then I saw something I had never seen. Something I didn't think was even possible. Creeping up upon Lily Evans's face was a mischievous grin... a grin more mischievous than Potter's when he charmed all the Hufflepuffs to start saying obscene curse words between every other word they uttered. More mischievous that Sirius's when he transfigured Dorcas Meadows's cat, Elvendork, into a multicolored poodle.

It was terrifying. But I also felt kind of proud.

My pride quickly turned to anger when I found out what their plan was. The two of them grabbed me by either arm and all but dragged me up to the boys dorms. They quickly, and somewhat violently, shoved me into the room and then charmed the door locked. Leaving me alone with... a half naked Sirius!?

Sirius was shirtless, and oh Merlin he was beautiful. Needless to say, I blushed profusely.

He was alone in the room changing out of his night clothes and into a grey T-shirt, thankfully he already put on some jeans...

"Prongs I told you I'll be there in a—" he said shortly turning around. He stopped the moment his eyes met mine. We sort of just stood there not really knowing what to do next. The awkwardness was palpable. Someone should talk? Right? According to James and Lily, that's what I should be doing at this point.

I took a deep breath and then the words just tumbled out of my mouth like vomit.

"IloveyoualotandI'msorryIturnedintoacatandranupatreewhenyoutriedtokissme.IpanickedbutIthinkyou'restupidhandsomeandIreallylikeyou,butIalsoreallyloveyou." I say in one breath.

He stood there with a shocked expression on his face, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly like a dying fish. Understandable.

"I-I um.." he stammered before tilting his head to the side and asking, "um could you please say that again a bit slower."

"Erm.." I looked down to my now fidgeting hands, biting my lip. "I'm sorry I turned into a cat and ran up a tree when you tried to kiss me." I said softly in a normal pace. "I uh panicked, but it wasn't because I don't like you."

"You're forgiven." I looked up to see l him smiling. "I love you too by the way."

And that was the moment I died. Figuratively at least.

"I-I can't date you though." I said quickly, visibly crushing his soul like a tiny bug beneath my shoe.

"W-what? But you just said.." he began to walk closer to me. His face was the saddest thing I'd ever witnessed.

"I can't risk loosing you." I say quietly, looking down at my shuffling feet. I know, I know it was a pitiful reason for a Gryffindor. But in my defense, it's rather unrealistic to be expected to be brave every damn day of your life because of what some sentient hat said about you when you were 11.

Sirius sighed loudly, then put his hands on my shoulders. "First of all, you will never loose me. I'm your 'stupid clingy mutt' remember?" he laughed softly. "Second, life isn't worth living if you aren't willing to take some risks." His grey eyes bore into mine.

He was right of course, but I still needed some time. I didn't know how to be a girlfriend. I didn't even realize I loved him until less than 24 hours before. Not to mention, us being together could potentially implode our whole friend dynamic within the Marauders.

"Sirius, I love you, but I just can't... but I don't want you to be with someone else.. especially not Susan..." I ramble, curling my lip at that twit's name. "but I can't be a-a girlfriend... not right now at least... I-I need to process things...I need some time first... I-I-I..."

"Ellie. It's okay. I can wait." he said smiling, eyes soft, while he rubbed comforting circles on my arms. The whole hoard of butterflies in my stomach fluttered when he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "I'll wait as long as it takes, love."

"Thank you," I say, my voice soft, a small smile playing at my lips... And this folks, is one of the reasons why I love him.