Dear, S
You were the first person I had ever truly loved, back in the days when we were best friends at daycare you had my heart then. I loved you with a sort of innocence I can never get back. But I can't say I regret loving you because it was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. In middle school that love grew when you walked back into my life looking completely different, less a girl more a woman maybe that's the way I'm pleased by the female figure. It was because of you.
Do you remember the time in social studies when Mrs. Carr separated us? I couldn't keep my eyes off you, I could hardly focus without out you there copying off my paper and telling me jokes about the teacher.
As time passed I felt like I could tell you how I felt, my fourteen-year-old heart pumped fast when every time I opened my mouth near you. But when you said you loved me only as a friend my heart dropped, I was heartbroken I wanted more like those great love stories I read about so much. But you only saw me as a friend and I suffered in silence in the hope you would change your mind but you didn't.
You dated other guys who claimed your body as their before I could.
I could barely contain my jealous when boys looked at you hungrily like you were some to smash instead of something to cherish.
I remember when I saw pictures of you with your boyfriend on your phone, all I could think of was “why can't that be me.” When he calls you his I grind my teeth in jealous because you should've been mine and not his.
I know you've moved on since then but everytime I think of you I think of all the could've beens and should beens that make it hard for you to leave my mind. I have thought about the future we would have had after too much ice creams and romantic comedies.
Because of you I can't stop comparing other to you, falling for others who are so much like you. But the only difference is I can never find another girl with green eyes like yours, who smiles at the most weirdest things like you did.
Do you remember deep love for dark side skittles, you used to steal some of mine when you thought I wasn't looking. We used to sit in the bleachers in gym class and talk about nothing while eating them, you used to want to sit all the very top, eventhough I was scared of heights I came along.
I know to you I'm just a memory, a childhood friend but I see you as the person who I can say was my first love and best friend. I only wish we could've been more back then maybe I wouldn't had left the way I did.
