Scattered Thoughts

Place

I want to escape.
I want to go away from this place.
I want to go somewhere safe.
I want to smile.
I want to live.
I want to laugh.
I want to stay happy.

And not know saddness because it had been with me for so long that I'm tired of it. I want it to go away. Far away from me. From my soul and my heart.
This place eats me Alive. It's buries me somewhere deep in the darkness. Even though this place was supposed to be my safe haven somewhere. I can come to without any fears somewhere ,I'm supposed to be.
But this place makes me cry. Because of this place I'm scared to laugh, I'm scared to show my happiness, I'm scared to show my victories, I'm scared to smile, I'm even scared to show my saddness and I'm scared to show my fears.
And the worst part is.
I can't go away.
I can't run away.
I can't escape.
I need to live here for a really long time. I need to survive here with these people who don't even know me . They've been with me since birth yet they don't know what I like or dislike, what's my favorite dish or color.
They don't know how sensitive I am. They don't know the things I've done or been through.
They don't know what I'm scared off.
They bring me down at every chance they get.
They scold me for things I didn't do intentionally.
They try to hit me.
They hate my dreams.
They make fun of my ambitions.
They dislike the things I like.
But,
Yet.
They call themselves a family.
Yet.
I have to be with them
But,
Guess what,
Their cruelty turned me into a warrior,
A survivor.
Their coldness towards me makes me want to fight back. Makes me want to work hard . It made me capable of understanding people.
It told me to treat my children with kindness and care.
It told me that a cold heart is worse than having no heart.
So,
I fight back.
I break down.
But,
I get up again.
And,
I don't lose hope.
This is not for forever.
This will not last forever.
This will change.
I'll escape.
I'll go away.
I'll be safe.
I'll smile.
I'll laugh.
I'll live.
I'll be happy.

*****
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