Scattered Thoughts

Smile

"Um, is this seat taken", a voice came from infront of me.
I was so absorbed in this book that I forgot about my surroundings.
I looked up and my eyes met his and I suddenly realized who this guy is.
We work at the same place and I notice him alot.
I am not exactly the type to be noticed by such gentle and handsome souls,because I stay quiet and I mind my own business but something about him made me wanna look at him.
Maybe it was his smile which is different for everyone.
For kamil, the cafeteria guy, he smiles lightly.
For Laura, the old manager, he smiles like a gentleman.
For every single person, it's different.
But,
His smile when he picks up the call that happens to come around 4 o clock tell different stories, then the ones he shows through out the day.
That smile tells me, that something tragic happened to him. Smething that might break him if he stops being strong .Something that might makes him cry at night something that is very horrifying.
But...who knows?
I know that he likes to read and forty rules of love by Elif Shafak is his go to book.
He carries it around with himself every where.
I know that he likes coffee and hates Hawain pizza.
Yes ,I might feel like a complete stalker right now but as I said before we are colleges we don't interact much but we work together.
"Umm is this seat" pointing" taken".
Oh,
"Yea" I was thinking so I didn't hear him the first time and when he asked me about the seat, I was processing the question that Noah asked if the seat in front of me was taken or not. He. Asked. Me.
I said *no* without realizing that I said no.
You can see what he did to me.
My perfectly working brain when into hibernation when it knew that I NEEDED HELP.
"Thanks Hannah" he said with a smile.
"You know my name Noah.?" I wasn't kidding, I was actually asking that. He knows my name. Noah the handsome, gentle guy knows the name of an introvert who's also his creepy stalker.
"Yes and you know mine" he said like it's an obvious fact and it is cause we work together.
"Yeah, I guess cause you're pretty famous in the office." Yes. I admit. I'm trying to make a conversation her but failing miserably.
"Oh really I am?" Is he kidding me right now.
"Mhmm" I nodded and looked down. My brain came back to life and was turning on every siren in my head and telling me to abort the Mission.
"But I'm not as intelligent as you are.The ideas you give are mind blowing.
Oh..thank you.. he thinks that my ideas are mind blowing. I am sure you guys are thinking thats normal, it's the straight up strategy of guys to compliment girls to make them happy. But let me explain something:
A. I'm an introvert.
B. If you're an introvert and your crush talks to you like that you lose your shit.
"Oh, thanks"
What was I supposed to say. I decided to end the conversation because it was getting out of hands.
I continued reading 'Rumi's poetry'.
    "Is it your face
      That Adorns the garden
      Is it your fragrance
       That intoxicates the garden"
"That's Rumi right" he said with keen Interest .He looked Adorable trying to see the name of the book which I was in my hands.
"Yeah it is"
"Oh so you read? " Wow he literally had no idea that I read. I guess, he did not really notice me sitting alone in the cafeteria.
"Yeah that's what I do half of the time" I said with a slight smile.
"Oh I do know that but I was asking you read Rumi"
Oh . Wow that's..wow he..wow ... What am I supposed to think now.
"Yes yes I do read Rumi alot. His poetry is so.... amazing ,the way he describes love and how to love is so extremely beautiful"
"Ahan I know and I'm really glad I found someone like me. I read alot too and Rumi is my favorite.
"Yeah, I know" oh hell, Need to THINK OF SOMETHING FAST .NOW HE'LL THINK I AM CRAZY STALKER OR SOMETHING.
"..oh.."
"I meant you carry the books around with yourself and I guessed that you liked Rumi" nice save, Hannah, barely made it out alive.
"Oh yeah I like to read whenever I am free, it feels nice"
"So do you come here alot?" he asked while sipping his cappuccino. I dislike coffee. It tastes so bitter so I am more of a tea person.
"Yeah two hours every day after work are spend here. I like this place. I have been coming here since  I started working in our company. This place is nice and peaceful."
"I come here too and exactly the same reason, the people here are just minding their own business, mostly reading and when you look at someone you can see that's he is traveling in the mind of writer"
"Yeah, you're right, it feels like this place was made for people like us ,who likes to  read in peace."
"Than, I guess, I'll see you around here , we can...um.. sit together if you want."
Did he just stutter. And did he just ask me to sit with him. What is the day today. Is it my lucky day.
"Yes we can I said that with a smile that can clearly show my happiness and I guess he saw that because a small Chuckle escaped his lips."
"Good"he said with a smile. I didn't know the smile he showed then. This was my first time seeing him smile like that. And I really really liked that.
And days went on like this reading and talking together.
I got to know a whole new things about him.
I got to know the reason why he likes cappuccino.
I got to know his favorite movie , song , soft drink, restaurant. A lot A lot of new things.
I was getting used to him.
I was getting used to the feeling of having him around.
And somewhere I forgot about the smile that told me that he isn't as strong as he wants to be. I forgot about the smile that told me there is something  no one knows about and he is scared someone might find out.
I started to think that he was really strong and he could handle everything around him and that he could take care of his loved one and somehow I wanted to be one of them.
But
One day,
My thoughts about him changed.
Completely.