Remember Me )))) THE KINGS OF SUMMER

Jump

It's astonishing how quickly Joe and I fall into a routine together. We get up every morning, eat breakfast, head out to the woods to gather whatever food we are able to find, usually do some maintenance on the house, and then spend the rest of the day doing whatever we want. On our third day, Joe showed me a large cliff that we could jump off of into deep water. He said his friends and him did it all the time. I peer over the edge and see that it is an at least twenty-five foot drop. I don't hesitate. "Let's do it!"

Joe smiles and takes his shirt off. I take just a moment to admire him. I didn't plan on doing any swimming while running away, so I obviously don't have a swimsuit. I think about telling Joe to turn around, but I figure that he will see me before I jump anyway, so what's the point? After I disrobe and turn towards him, though, I see that his back is to me, giving me privacy. He has been nothing but a gentleman this entire time, never sneaking a peek or trying grope me when he thinks he'll get away with it—very different from other guys I've hung out with. "Ready?" I ask.

He is looking everywhere but at me, "Yep." I start to get nervous as we near the edge. I'm not normally a cautious person, but I've never done anything like this before. "Joe, will you hold my hand," I ask, feeling stupid. Joe looks at me then--only at my face--and smiles. "Sure."

I take his hand and intertwine our fingers. "Ready?" Joe asks, raising his eyebrows, and I nod. "Okay. One...two...three!!!" And we both run to the edge and jump. We lose our grip on each other in the air and hit the water around ten feet away from one another. I purposely stay under the water for several seconds. I love this feeling. Being surrounded by water, I feel safe. I've had so much instability in my life, but this is water is constant. There is no beginning or end. It just is. I like to savor it.

I feel a hand around my upper arm, yanking me to the surface. "What the hell, MJ? What are you doing? You scared the shit out of me!" Joe is yelling. I catch my breath. I must have been under longer than I realized. I look at Joe and his face is inches away from me. I can't tell if he's pissed or scared. His hands are rested on my waist, like he doesn't trust that I won't go under again. "I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think I was down there that long."

He sighs and relaxes, but doesn't move his hands. "It's okay. I was just worried that you hit your head or something after I told you it was safe."

We are so close to each other that it seems natural for me to wrap my arms around his neck, so I do. "I'm fine. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Joe doesn't respond but moves his eyes up and down my face, pausing at my lips. I get the feeling that he wants to kiss me.

I would have to be blind to not see how attractive Joe is, but our behavior toward each other has been nothing but platonic since we met...until now. Neither of us move. We just look at each other, trying to decide if we should take this to next level, become more than friends. It would definitely complicate things, but would it be worth it? At this point, I'm not sure. These last few days have been some of the best of my life, I don't want to ruin it.

"Joe, I..." I start to say, but he stops touching me and begins swimming toward the shore before I get a chance to say anything else. I watch him as he gets out of the water. He has his back to me and appears to be adjusting something inside his shorts. Oh my God, he has a...

My thoughts are cut off by Joe yelling. "I'm going to get our clothes, okay? I'll be right back!"

"Okay!" I yell and watch him climb the hill to retrieve our things.

Joe and I didn't discuss what happened in the water. I think we both just want to forget about it. That doesn't stop us from being awkward around each other, though. Joes taking every precaution to ensure that we don't touch each other, including throwing himself down the slide from our loft when I came up to change my clothes. And I never know what to say. Every time I look at him, I see his full lips, and imagine what they would feel like on mine.

That night around the fire, desperate for conversation, I finally ask the question that I'd been dying to know. "So Joe, when are you going to tell me why you're here? Why did you runaway?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me."

"Deal. But you first." I wasn't sure if I was ready to reveal everything, but I'd at least give him something.

"Well, first of all, my dad is an asshole. He thinks he can tell me what to do every second of every day. He always told me if I lived under his roof, I'd have to follow his rules. Well, I couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't as bad before my sister, Heather, left for college. She was kind of a buffer between us."

"What about your mom? What does she say?

He takes a deep breath. "My mom died a couple years ago." I start rubbing his back. "Joe, I'm so sorry."

"Her and I were really close. It's been hard. In the beginning, I couldn't even function. All I could do was lie in bed and think about her. My dad and sister were sad too, so they couldn't help me. My buddy, Patrick, he saved me. He is like my brother...was like my brother." He corrects himself. He looks up from the ground toward me. "You know? I don't think I've ever really told anyone that before."

I smile and continue rubbing between his shoulder blades. "I'm honored. Now what about your friends? Why did they leave?"

He sighs and looks down again. "It was a girl. Kelly is her name. Her and a group of her friends came to visit us here. To be honest, I may have had just the tiniest bit of a crush on her." I'm surprised to feel a pang in my chest at that. Joe continues. I think he's been waiting for someone to talk to about this. "Anyway, Patrick knew I liked her. At least, I'm pretty sure he knew. He snaked his way around me though, and stole her right from under me. After that, I told him to go. Our other friend, Biaggio, tried to stay, but I pushed him away too."

Joe leans back into the couch now so I can't rub his back any longer. "I'm sorry, Joe. Being betrayed by a friend like that? That had to be so hard. And then for them to just leave you here? What a bunch of assholes."

"No" he stops me. "I was the asshole. Completely. Now that some time has passed, and I'm talking about it with you, I see that." He places his hand on my leg. "So thank you."

"And now it's your turn." He says. His hand stays on my knee, which I'm happy about.

And I tell him about my mom, and Damien, and my dad, and my grandma. I tell him everything. He listens, and asks questions when appropriate, but it's mostly just nice that he's here. He's really here with
me. I'm not second guessing myself, wondering if I'm boring him or if he's just trying to get in my pants. I'm telling the story of my life, and for maybe the first time, I'm content.

When I've finished, he just takes a deep breath, like he'd been holding it, "Wow, MJ, I feel like a complete dick."

"Did I miss something? Why?"
"I'm complaining about my life, and look at you. Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like you've had it way worse than me. You're so strong. How are you even still standing?"

I raise my hand and place it on his mouth, silencing him. "Don't do that. You can't compare pain. You lost your mom, forever. I've never lost anyone that I really loved. I see you as the strong one."

He takes my hand from his mouth and wraps his own hand around it, placing it on his chest. We stay like that for a long time, a mutual understanding that I've never experienced before. It's hard to believe I only met him three days ago. It feels like I've known him forever.