Chicago PD (3x17) Just got to hold on

chapter 5

A knock on the door brought Jay out of his trance as he got up to go to the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror looked broken, ghostly pale with healing cuts and speckled purple from bruises. It wasn't him. Jay lost it and punched the mirror shattering it. Blood trickled down Jay's hand and was dripping on the floor when Mouse came running in. "Jay, hey your okay." That wasn't Mouse, he didn't sound like that. "Can I have a look." It was his brother Will. Mouse must of called him about his fever.

Jay flinched as Will touched his arm to get him up. Will then rolled up his sleeve and knew what he saw wasn't good. "Jay did you do this?"                                                                                                                "Jay you have to tell us!" Since when did Mouse join the conversation.                                                        "I - I just couldn't stop thinking about Terry and how it should of been me. It then got me thinking about the IED and Humvee, all the men that I got killed." By now Jay was shaking, crying and on the verge of hyperventilating. "It's OK buddy I was there too and I pulled you out to keep you going. Don't let me down now. Did you do this?"                                                                           "I'm sorry."

Will was giving Jay antibiotics while Mouse kept him calm until he was so exhausted he feel asleep. As Mouse was putting him to bed he saw the letter and knew what it was. Jay couldn't handle another tour it should of been him who got the medical discharge. He had to call Voight and tell him.

"Voight."

"Hey it's Mouse. Jay needs the week off."

"Why is Halstead okay?"

"Will said that he has an infection from a self inflicted wound. I suppose he's okay physically."

"Mouse what do you mean physically?"

"Well I found a letter that he had telling him that he is being deployed nest week to Afghanistan. He has also been struggling with PTSD the last few days."

"Why didn't I know. What about Erin?"

"Please don't tell her not until he's gone it will just make him worse."

"Okay tell him to take care and we'll see him when he comes back."

"Will do." Once he ended the call all he could think of was if he was going to make it back home.