Michael's POV
It had been a week and a half since I got out of the hospital. It was like, 10: 30 and I had had the worst day of my life. You shouldn't be surprised considering I'm keeping the consistent lie that I passed out. I mean it could've been worse. I felt really bad for Calum. He hates lying to the boys. Especially Ashton. They had been friends forever. I felt like I was gonna ruin their friendship. Which made me feel worse than when I started. I looked to see if Abbey was awake but to my surprise, she wasn't aaand that's when I fucked up even more. I ran into the bathroom and grabbed my sweatshirt on the way. Pulled out the blade, rolled up my sleeve and cut once, twice, eight times, I just kept going. After a bit of sitting in the bathroom questioning my entire existence, I decided to go back to bed.
For some reason Abbey ended up being the big spoon, her long newly dyed red hair swiftly flipped its way over onto my shoulder. Her small arm readjusted, wrapping itself around my waist and pulling me closer. She whispered something along the lines of, "Please never leave me." Then I couldn't do it. I'm fading away and making one of my best friends keep a secret that's probably making him go slowly insane. I'm the biggest fuck up there is. But I can't stop.
Abbey got up to go to the bathroom and while she was gone I shifted to a position that made it so she would have to be the little spoon when she got back. When she got back she was laying so close to me, I could barely move. I managed to get my arm around her stomach and squeezed her somewhat tightly. I reached up to brush her long hair off of my face, but as I brought my hand back down to her waist she grabbed it and interlocked her fingers with mine. She rested our hands near her hip. I quickly fell asleep but I had a really bad nightmare.
I woke up to Abbey kissing me goodbye because she was going out. After she left I just stayed in bed for about an hour scrolling through Twitter, eventually I got up to make coffee. While I was failing miserably to not spill burning hot coffee on myself because my hands wouldn't stop shaking. I heard a knock on the door, then a sigh, then another knock. Calum. He sighs a lot.
I put the coffee down on the edge of the counter and went to open the door but as I placed it down it was too close to the edge and as I was walking over it fell and broke. "Fuck." I whispered quietly, rolling my eyes at how I knew the rest of the day was gonna suck. I opened the door and saw Calum. He looked like crap. He was extremely pale. His eyes were puffy and red. He had definitely been crying. I stepped towards him to hug him. He wrapped his arms around me and cried. I did this to him. One of my best friends is going through this because I fucked up. I lifted his small body up and carried him to the couch. Before I fully put him down, I wrapped 4 blankets around him. I sat next to him and rubbed his back as he cried himself to sleep. I ended up falling asleep next to him.
I woke up to Calum making food while wrapped in the blankets still. I stayed on the couch until he got back. I knew it had to be done, so I started talking. "Hey Cal, what's wrong. I mean, I know what's wrong but how can I un fuck up." His big brown eyes looked watery and he whispered in a defeated voice that was so quiet I could barely hear, "Nothings wrong. Everythings fine. I can do this," He began to sob but kept talking, "It's not a big deal. I'm just fucking up again." I ended up cutting him off because seeing him like this was tearing me apart. "Calum, I love you." I couldn't say anything else. He stood up and walked closer to the side of the couch I was on and hugged me. He told me he had to go home and so we said goodbye and as soon as he left I walked into the kitchen and my knees gave out and I just sat there sobbing. It was 6pm and Abbey would be home any second. I heard the door open and didn't move. I felt her run up behind me and wrap herself around me. "Mikey, what's wrong?" Fuck. I knew I couldn't tell her what was really wrong.
"I can't do it." I don't know why the fuck I said that but I did. Abbey stood up, pulling me with her. I stared into her blue eyes and just wanted to kill myself. That was the first time I thought that was an option.
We were laying in bed and I was pretty sure she was asleep. I grabbed my phone and texted Luke.
ME: hey luke are you up
LUKE: Yeah mate what's up?
ME: can you come pick me up.
LUKE: From where?
ME: my house. its a long story don't ask
LUKE: Be there in 15.
I heard a car outside. I leaped out of bed and bolted out the door into his car. I shut the door behind me quietly and looked at him. He didn't break eye contact until he asked me, "Have you been crying mate?"
"Yeah. Long story."
"Okay. Where are we going?" I was hoping he wouldn't ask that. I didn't really plan it. Fuck.
"I don't care. Just drive. Please." I tried not to sound desperate saying that but I think I failed.
We drove for an hour and stopped at a hotel. We decided to book a room for the night. I was gonna text Abbey but I didn't. I cried myself half to sleep and whispered to Luke, "I'm fine."
