Always - Kim Namjoon Centric

I stopped too.

It started the same night, When Namjoon returned home. He could smell the sweat in the air. He could feel the way everyone was sleeping cuddled up together as a family. But Namjoon didn't cry. He had decided that everything was enough. He had cried enough. He would let everyone go.

He didn't leave though, because he had worked just as hard to make BTS as all the others, if not harder. He went to his room, closed the doors, and did the first thing that he had to. Take an appointment from a doctor. He needed to know why his heat had stopped.

The secretary gave him an appointment with a specialist, and after that, Namjoon stared at the ceiling, words rung in his head. A lot of things repeated. A lot of pain did too.

He didn't sleep that night.

In the morning, he breathed in and out. He waited until everyone was awake; until everyone had had breakfast, Then he headed out.

He had a churning feeling in his stomach. A gut-wrenching, sickening nausea Filling him. He made his way towards the living room, and after entering it, saw everyone scattered here and there. They were bustling around, getting ready for the day. Hoseok's heat had ended today he guessed; since it had started long back.

"Guys..." Namjoon said in a broken whisper. It should've been enough since everyone had great hearing, but no one listened. Namjoon tried again in a louder voice, no one listened again. He was frustrated, and screamed, "GUYS..."

Everyone stopped moving and looked at Namjoon standing at the entrance. He looked like hell, his brown hair was messed up, his eyes puffy, his skin bloated. Namjoon took a deep breath.

"What is wrong, Namjoon?" Seokjin said with a frown. Namjoon looked up at him, made eye contact with him, and that's when Seokjin realized it. That's when he felt the broken bond. That's when he died the painful death of losing a member. Seokjin took a deep breath, horror overcoming him. Namjoon proceeded to make eye contact with every pack member, leaving them on fire. Jimin, Hoseok, and Taehyung exploded into tears the moment Namjoon's eyes left them.

Seokjin took shaky steps towards the boy, but Namjoon backed away. Yoongi, who was nearest to the boy, tried to touch him, but Namjoon moved his hands away. "Namjoon..." A sobbing Hoseok came towards the boy. Namjoon let only Hosok come towards him, Namjoon only let Hoseok weep into his chest. Namjoon just let Hoseok, his sunshine, ask him why.

"When love turns toxic; When no one cares anymore; When your heart hurts more because they don't look at you with the same love; When sleeping in the same room still makes you feel distant; When you want others to see your tears but they ignore it; that's when you have to take a step back. That's when you have to try to get out. It was the first time my Omega made a decision for me, and I accept that decision. My love was real, is real. But I could only last so long." Namjoon sniffed, and Hoseok looked like he would shatter.

"Please don't leave me. I can't lose you. " Hoseok looked so broken that Namjoon had to look away. "I'm right here. I'll always be Rap Monster the leader. But I won't be Kim Namjoon the pack member. You all lost that chance." Namjoon sighed shakily. He had tried so hard to not cry, but he failed. The tears made their way into his eyes again.

"Why did you do it Namjoon hyung? Why did you ruin the bond?" Jungkook whispered.

Namjoon's blood ran cold. His heartbeat increased. He finally came to his breaking point. Namjoon saw red. "I ruined the bond?"

"He doesn't mean that Joon-ah." Yoongi's voice cut through the question.

Namjoon looked at him, and his anger wavered. But he didn't calm down. He couldn't calm down. "Of course he doesn't. Just like how all of you didn't mean to push me away. Just like all of you didn't mean to make all of this happen. Just like all of you loved me and cared for me. If what you're saying is true Min freaking Yoongi, then whatever I said is also true. Which it fuckin' isn't. " Namjoon's voice cut through the answer. Namjoon was releasing hormones, a lot of them. But they were only of anger.

Hoseok took a step back from Namjoon, which was initiated by Namjoon himself when he moved away. Namjoon took steps towards the boy that used to have stars in his life when he looked at him. That boy was no longer Jungkook; now he was someone else. Someone Namjoon hated at the moment.

Namjoon came face to face with the boy. "To answer your question my darling Kookie, I didn't break the bond, or as you say, Ruin it. You did. All of you did." Namjoon had been shouting at the beginning, but by the end, he was whispering. His heart hurt so much, so so much that even breathing was difficult.

"Hyung, ..." His voice wasn't supposed to break, but it did. He tilted his head to the side to meet Seokjin's eyes. The man's legs wobbled, and he dropped to the ground. Namjoon looked away, they pretended to be in so much pain, they probably were, Perhaps it was because Once upon a Time they loved him. Namjoon looked at the ceiling taking a deep breath, choking in between. He had to pick himself up now. He just had to.

"I'm not something you can throw away hyung. But you did. All of you did." Seokjin sobbed at the words. Namjoon's tears weren't stopping, they wouldn't ever. He had lost everything, forever.

"We didn't want to. We didn't mean to." Taehyung's voice echoed in the room. "We just wanted to give you space. "

"Well then Taehyung, " Namjoon said looking at him with tears falling down his face, "Now I'd have all the space in the world." Taehyung sobbed and reached his hands out to touch Namjoon, but he turned away. Namjoon turned away from all of them. He left all of them, sobbing and breaking, to accept reality.

"NAMJOON, NAMJOON.." Namjoon heard his name being called. But he didn't turn back, Just like how they hadn't.