Shattered - Terrorladd

Introduction

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not every story is happy.. this one certainly isn't.

take a closer look at that book cover, read the cover... check it over and over..

can you see why he's shattering?

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Saturday 22nd September 2018

my alarm clock blared as i sat up, slowly turning it off. the deafening sound i once had a moment ago left me instantly now leaving the air i breathe to feel uneasy. the sound around me was now nothing, just the sound of silence.

silence really gets too you sometimes, you know?

it's not easy living with depression. but, to make it even harder, im colour blind. so therefore my bland, black and white universe is a reality. i've grown up with it, so it doesn't effect me.

i'm not completely colour blind, but it's almost an inch off of being black and white. that's what it is, every bright and vibrant neon just seems dirty and rotten. my world is like worn out plastic and in some sense, so am i.

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i sat down on my sofa, my day of work still being six hours away. i wake up early because i know then i can have a two hour advantage to find it in me too actually get out of bed. living your life so monotone is so hard when there's no body around, maybe if there was life would be different for me.

i turned on my TV, skimming through the same boring channels with nothing on them except commercials and tele-shopping adds. i kept going through many channels like BBC, ITV, Dave, Gold and E4. but it was all the same. either bear grills, adds or impractical jokers.

i decided i was going to put on Netflix and watch Friends, for the 200th time, but i felt my choice seemed okay. i then stood up and walked into my kitchen behind me where i could still see my TV. my living room and kitchen were linked, this made it easier for me too actually cook food and watch TV.

'So no one told you life was gonna be this way-'

as the music played in the background i began prepping my breakfast.

'your jobs a joke, you're broke and your love life's D.O.A-'

i guess that is true, i didn't ask for this life and i'm not living it well either.

'It's like you're always stuck in second gear-'

well they're not lying there..

'When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but-

I'll be there for you'

that parts funny because nobody ever was. well, it seems i relate to the intro more than the show. the amount of times i've watched this show and i've only now noticed that.

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i cracked an egg into a jug and began to whisk it around until it was pretty much fully mixed in. i added some whole milk, melted butter, vanilla, fresh coffee grounds and flour. i mixed that up the the best i could, slowly adding in the dry ingredients after the wet components were mixed well.

i then slowly poured tiny circles on the preheated, greased up and quiet large frying pan and began to fry my delicious pancakes. once the bottom was cooked, i add tiny sprinkled of sugar on top then flip them over with a spatula. it makes it have a churro effect, but is still fluffy and tastes like a pancake.

once complete, i put all five of my small pancakes on a plate and added some syrup. i also set aside some raspberries, bananas and strawberries for the healthy aspect of this meal. i also had and iced coffee to wake me up and energise me.

although constantly feeling low, i do try to eat healthy or eat at all. and i must say i'm proud of what i'm becoming now.

maybe this is a new change, a fresh start and a new beginning.