I am far too sad to love
I cannot count how many times I have broken my own heart
How many times I have argued with myself about what I want,
Torn by my constant fear of displaying weakness,
And between my needs,
And my rippling pride.
Disappointed smiles.
How many times have I fallen head over heels with myself?
Only to be thanked by lies and illusive promises
All I have to show are cuts and grazes from plunging too hard.
How many times have I taken me back?
Knowing that nothing will change.
I throw grenades of compliments at our mirror,
Hoping the reflection will soften your hasty words,
But only foreign shards are returned to me,
At full speed, piercing skin, wisdom.
And you make love to me, in bedrooms of this house I
Never want to step into,
Luring in my innocence,
Making it crumble between your finger tips.
But even when we are perfect,
When tidal waves are strong and happiness
Becomes the wall I regularly sit on,
Someone else, not me, not you
Comes along.
And chips away, at our wilting love,
And once again, you deprive me of water, of fire,
And once again, I feel I am to wither,
In an ocean filled with sad love.
