Republican Phenoms

Out of My Goddy Mind

Daniel

The common room on my dorm floor is quiet this evening. Most of the other students must be getting ready for finals, but I need a break from studying, so I'm watching a little television. It's hard to believe that next year I'm going to be a senior already. Only one more year, and maybe...

I see my friend Caroline walk by, and I wave to her. She's probably one of the few girls at this school that I hang out with that's never tried to kiss me. It's nice that I can talk to her without worrying about how she feels about me. We're just friends, and that's perfectly fine with me. She's also one of the few people outside of my family that knows how I feel about June.

"How you been?" I ask, as she sits down next to me.

"I've been well. Getting ready for finals, like everybody else. I haven't seen you around lately."

"Probably because I've been doing the same thing. Holed up in my room with a book. Or a pile of books. Advanced ballistics is killing me." I make a face.

"I know what you mean." She leans back on the couch. "I saw Angela Bailey in the hall. I think she's looking for you."

"Why?"

"I think she wants to go to the spring formal with you."

I shrug. "She can want it all she wants. It isn't going to make it happen."

"You don't want to go to the dance with anyone?" A couple of girls have expressed interest in going to the dance with me, and I've turned them down.

"No. Not really."

"You don't like to dance?"

"I never said that." In the summer and on the weekends, sometimes John and I will go to the dance clubs in Lake sector. It's fun, and good exercise. Plus, there are plenty of pretty girls there to flirt with. "I probably should say more specifically that I don't want to go to the dance with anybody that wants to go with me."

"Her, right?"

I sigh. "I can't get her out of my goddy mind." I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees, and put my head in my hands. "I try, but I can't. She's just too amazing. By the time the middle of August rolls around, I finally get to the point where I don't think about her every day. But then I have to start school again, and I see her in my classes, and at drill with my platoon, and I'm back to where I was again."

I realize that I'm crying. Great. Hopefully nobody else walks by at the moment. "I hate this. I hate being this cracked. I shouldn't have kissed her that one time. I should have been more insistent. I should have told her, 'Look, you're drunk, we can't do this now, let's just talk until they let us out of the closet.' But no, I had to be selfish. I had to do what I wanted. And now, it's far worse. I know what she feels like."

She puts her hand on my shoulder. "You couldn't have known. And you'll graduate in a year, then you can move on."

"Let's hope so," I say. "Hopefully we'll get assigned to different cities. Then in four or five years, other girls my age will start graduating from college and start getting their commissions. More people to try to forget her with."

She hugs me. "It'll work out, don't worry," she says. "You're a nice boy, okay? Don't worry about it so much."

If only it were that easy.