Cats with Guns

Jeffery does Catnip

Jeffery walked to his apartment room in Scratch Tower Apartments. He opened the door of 069, floor 4.
The front room of the place was DURR DEEE. Empty pizza boxs every where, bags full of catnip, and a wooden box containing an unimportant item. Jeffery sits down on his bean bag full of baked beans. The bag squibbles and squabbles as beans leak out of a tear.  Jeffery turns on the tv and watches the cartoons.
"Attention Catnip lovers," says a dude in a commercial. "Catnip is now legal! You no longer need to hide it! And end those catnip trades, they are now available in stores! Learn more at www.catnipwhatshit.com."
Jeffery wasn't has happy as his neighbor, who had screamed "FUCK YEAH, BITCHES! " Though, in a small celebration, he chewed on some to begin the funky.
Everything on the television slowed down. Jeffery felt energy fall from the heavens and into his soul. "Oohhh shit," he mutters. He then he threw himself out of the window. He landed inside a dumpster full of shit and piss and a recently mugged homeless man. Jeffery climbed out of the dumpster and does the orange justice dance while screaming swear words. Passer-byers stare at him and whisper things like "Wut fuck," and "Sheeh." 
Two minutes later, the police show up. "Sir," officer Will says, "You've said 'frick ' five times. You need to stop." But Jeffery didn't feel like stopping. Instead, he said "Fuck you, Mr.Frick," and ranned away.
"He's resisting arresting!" screamed Will's partner, Tabitha "Get that mother fucker!" They hopped in they're car and drove after the surprisingly fast Jeffery. 
Jeffery was one fast mother fucker, god damn. He probably ran faster than the got danm Cheetos. The cop car was only as fast as Lays Barbecue Flavor. 
"Sir! Please stop!" said Will. 
"Fuck you and your girlfriend!" Jeffery screamed.
"She's not my girlfriend, fucko!"
" Yeah, fucko! Will is ugly hell!"
"Fuck you, Tabitha!" And Will kicked her out of the moving car.
"Holy shit!" Said Jeffery. "I'm out!" And ran even faster than the Cheetos and went FRITO FAST. Before he knew it, he was in his living room with Tabatha's dead body. That got dark.