pluto [johnten]✔️

thirty-seven

it was nearing four thirty in the morning and ten was sobbing.

he was crying his eyes out until they were red rimmed and felt puffy. there wasn't a particular reason for it either.

it partially the suppressed memories he spent time keeping away from his general thoughts, he hated remembering jiho.

there were days were he felt helpless and tired. tired of breathing and feeling pain and anxiety just because of his own past.

liking johnny, hell, loving him was such a topic that ten would be lying if he said he never thought about. he hated himself for it.

it was the fact that he felt like he could die, or leave and never return, with no one missing him. sure there was jisung and jisu, all his coworkers, his family, but he just didn't think he'd be mourned for long. johnny probably wouldn't even care enough to hear about it.

people had normal lives to return to.

he didn't. his life consisted of memories that were enough to torture some of the strongest soldiers. his life consisted on feeling like a weak link because he was so codependent on another person who no longer was in his life.

his life consisted of feeling like a burden everywhere he went. johnny made him feel that way.

he hated that, but he grew attached and he needed to hear johnny say he wasn't a burden, just so he could know, because he needed to know.