Why Not

I Am Me

// my friend wanted us to both write something about being yourself and we were gonna add ours together. We ended up forgetting about it, but I have mine so why not. Mentions self harm, eating disorder, suicide, depression, LGBTQ+//
 
I am 5 , mind roaming wild. Watching the man on TV thinking I want to do that. I want to be so strong I can pick up a car and kill the villain. I am the superhero. I tell my mother, she crushes it by saying I am a girl, I should be the princess. I think, a princess, the girl who can't help herself no thanks, but I become the princess.

I am 10, confused on why I like another girl, my brain can't focus on anything else, but I am asked what do I think about myself. I say that I like my body and how smart I am. I get pushed and told I am fat and I'm dumb. I think ok. I stop eating. Maybe if I eat less I can focus on studying and get better. Meals replaced by thinking about girls, and studying.

I am 12, I throw up after I eat, I add drawings to my skin, I think am I pretty yet. I get asked, what do i want to be when i get older. I say i want to be a doctor. I get told I'm too stupid to become a doctor. I tell my mother and she says I should prove them wrong with my test results. I get them, I've failed, I've failed because I'm dumb, all I can focus on is on how I look.

I am 14, I've been taken to the hospital because I've passed out. I look in the mirror and see a pile of bones. The doctor tells me I must start eating, and I need to go to therapy. I am so broken that a doctor is telling me I'm broken. She asks me what I want to be when I grow up. I used to want to be her, but I'm too dumb, so i tell her i don't know. She leaves, I contemplate death.

I am 15, I tell my mother I like girls. She tells me it's against the bible and I should be ashamed of myself. I tell her I'm sorry. I sit and draw once again, another ribbon added to my collection. I am useless. I'm dumb, weak, and a lesbian. I plan an escape. I get asked who am I. I say I do not know.

I am 16, my girlfriend broke up with me, my heart is broken. I think to myself that it's just a trigger pull away. I grab and inhale to what I think is my last. I start to cry, I can't do it. I look in the mirror, I see a broken coward ready to fix herself. I ask myself who am I. I say someone who is ready.

I am 19, with healed ribbons, healed heart, healed life. I grab my girlfriend's hand in front of my smiling mother. She accepts me. I now know I am smart, beautiful and amazing. I still get asked what do I want to be. I say, me. So to the kids out there not knowing what they want to be, or who they are, just be you. You are you, and you is enough. No need for diets, no need for ribbons, the demons pick at you, but you'll get through it. Be you.

//it's really bad I know. Oh well. Also I am in no why making fun of any things the story above mentions//