wait for me (i'll wait for you)

ii. lost

seokjin wakes up to a knock on his window with the help of the blinding rays of sunshine. he hadn't realised he'd slept in his car while listening to a playlist jeongguk had gifted him on their 2nd anniversary. he reminisces about how jeongguk would fuck into him nice and slow to these songs in this very car. another knock startles him. there's a man, gesturing for him to get his car out of the parking lot of his diner. seokjin mouthes a "sorry", and starts driving.

once he stumbles into his shared apartment with jeongguk, his heart hurts. everything jeongguk owns, everything jeongguk loves is in this house. including himself. he glares at jeongguk's little bunny plushie tucked between two pillows on their bed. he catches a glance of himself in the mirror, realising that his face is on the next level of puffiness. he'd been crying all night. and even now, more tears are flowing, without seokjin being aware of it. he stares at himself, long and hard. "you're nothing without him." he says to his reflection. he throws himself onto their bed and continues to let out loud, muffled cries against the mattress. in between his cries, he realises something. he knows jeongguk isn't one to leave without saying his goodbyes, so he checks. he checks his phone for messages, he checks the whole house for clues. after about half an hour, he gives up. he's tired and sad. he doesn't have the energy to do this. as he takes off his jacket, he spots a little paper sticking out of his pocket. he curses himself for not finding it earlier.

9:06pm, friday, april 1, 2016.
from: jeongguk
to: seokjin ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
hey, baby. today marks our second anniversary. i've never loved somebody for as long as i love you. so, for our second anniversary, i wanted to do something special. because you're special, and you deserve special things. you know i love you more than anything, right? you're the most beautiful person, both inside and out. i hope you remember that. i made a playlist for you today, i hope you love it as much as you love me! baby, if you're reading this, it probably means i'm dead or in jail. both doesn't sound good, right? if i'm in jail, i'll find my way to you, baby. i promise you. it's pretty selfish of me to ask you to wait. so, until then, i hope you won't forget me, at least. i hope you'll still love me by the time i find my way. but then again, i can't ask you to do that. i can simply hope. and if i'm dead, just know that i'm so lucky to have spent my life with the person i love and cherish the most. i hope we'll meet again soon. i'll always wait for you, be it a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade, a century, a millennium. no matter how long, i'll be waiting for you. because you are a person worth waiting for. i love you, kim seokjin. always have, always will.
yours truly,
𝓳𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓰𝓾𝓴

seokjin lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. he's crying now, so, so hard. his salty tears make their way to the paper, smudging jeongguk's handwriting. he feels so, so vulnerable right now. if only jeongguk was here. he reads the letter again and again, making himself cry harder and clutching onto the letter like its his lifeline. he falls onto his knees, head buried in his hands as his mind replays his favourite moments with jeongguk. when they went grocery shopping, when they went to hong kong just to get a taste of the best dim sums, when they would just cuddle together quietly, watching anime while jeongguk nuzzles up to seokjin's neck. they could be doing the most mundane things, but seokjin would still enjoy it like it's the best thing ever if jeongguk's there. jeongguk makes him feel alive. jeongguk made him feel alive. seokjin collapses on the floor while staring at the ceiling. he has no clue on what to do. he's lost. he's lost, without jeongguk.

a/n:
idk bout u but i made myself cry with this update ha ha ha. anyways let me know what u think