The Hurting Game (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter Eight: Speak the truth

WARNING. sad content. 

Chapter Eight: Speak the truth

[Chloe's POV]

Five minutes passed. Then ten. Then twenty. 

He wasn't coming. Either that or he was extremely late. I picked up my bag and pushed in my chair. I knew saying what i did in that email would change everything. Infact i don't blame him, he has every right to be freaked out. Why would he want to ever love someone as fucked up as me? I dropped my head in disappointment. For the first time since i'd been trying to make posotive changes my life i was ashamed. Every negative thought i'd ever had washed over me all at once as i began to exit the small street corner cafe. It seemed like even when i tried to be posotive about my life it never worked. My head remaind slightly tilted towards the ground as i opened the door to exit the cafe someone slammed into me with a great amount of force. My head instantly snapped up almost as if it was a reflex, and there he was. Harry had come rushing through the door and quite literally he'd nearlly knocked me off my feet. 

"Chloe!" He said relieved as he held me in his arms. I hugged him back a little stunned.

"I thought you weren't going to turn up, i was just leaving to go home.." I mumbled quietly as i removed myself from his strong embrace and took a step back to look him in the eye.

"I'm so sorry, i was held up with our management. They wanted to discuss this new plan of theirs to get us out of venues safely and unfortunately there was no way i could get out of it!" He said honestly. His eyes met mine for a few short seconds and they held a look of forgivness. It didn't take long before i knew i needed to break the silence.

"Shall we go take a seat then?" I asked not bothering to wait for his reply as i turned around and headed back to the small white table i had originally been seated at. He followed closely behind me and took his seat sitting opposite me. Almost instantly we were confronted by a waitress who asked us if we wanted to order anything.

"Actually, i'll have a coffee please." He said, smiling politely at the waitress. "Um, Chloe do you want anything?" He then added, glancing in my direction. 

"Ah yeah, just a hot chocolate for me thanks" I smiled up at her. I didn't drink coffee because i found the taste revolting, so a hot chocolate was just what i needed to warm me up a little. The waitress took down our orders and then disappeared leaving Harry and I in an awkward silence for a few seconds. 

"So..." I began a little nervous at first. "I take it you got my response to your email...?" 

Harry returned a blank expression leaving me no clues as to how he would respond and what he would say to my question. Although the 'poker face' he was attempting to obtain was ruined by his soft chuckle.

"Ah, yeah. I did. I never knew you felt that way about me" He answered sounding a little surprised. 

"Well i've only just figured out that i feel that way about you..." I said trailing off softly.

So far this wasn't going very well! Not only was it extremely awkward but i had a feeling that what he was going to say next wasn't going to be good. He paused for a few seconds to think before replying. 

"Well i've known how i feel about you for quite a long time now..." He laughed anxiously as he stared down at his hands that were now joined together before shifting his eyes to stare directly into mine.

"And how do you feel?" I asked cautiously as i waited to hear his response sounding something along the lines of 'You mean alot to me but you're just a really close friend and nothing more' 

"I like you chloe. In fact i've loved you for 3 years now. That's why i kissed you." He smiled affectionately at me causing my heart to skip a beat. I was definately shocked and surprised with his response. But something just didn't add up. If he loved me and felt the same way as i did, why did he tell me that he shouldn't be doing this to me and that it was a mistake. 

"Wait Harry..." I asked suspiciously. "Why did you tell me it was a mistake? I mean, if you feel the same way i do, the kiss would have been a good thing, right? I mean, atleast I know it was for me..." I admitted to him a little embarrased.

"That's the thing... it was good for me" He replied making me smile like a retard. "But as much as i want to be with you, and hold you, and kiss you, and have you all to myself and love you..." He said pausing before he continued. "We just can't be together" His beautifully flawless face revealed a frown and his eyes saddened. I shook my head and shot him a puzzled look. 

"Why not?" I blurted out without thinking. "Please don't tell me it's because i'm too messed up. If that's the reason you don't want to be with me then just lie to me Harry. Don't say it, because i won't be able to handle it-" I said rushing my words as a slight tear began to form in my eye at the thought of what i'd just said being true. But before i could say anything more his shushed me by lightly placing his finger over my lips. 

"Ofcourse that's not the reason Chlo." He said shocked and almost sounding hurt by the fact that i could come up with such a ridiculous idea. 

"Now, i don't want you to be mad when i tell you this but i've been keeping something from you for a long time now..." He began and instantly his mood changed. Just like that his face turned from warm and happy to dull and expresionless. I sat there in silence, wondering what exactly it was he'd been keeping from me all this time.

"Its the reason we can't be together.." He continued slowly making sure that i was able to take in everything he was telling me and proccess it all.

"Chloe..." He began and i could already hear the pain in his voice. "I can't be with you not because i don't want to be, but because...because..." He paused. He was trying to tell me his reason but whatever it was, he just couldn't get it out.

"Please just tell me Harry..." I added nervously. He sighed and picked my hand up in his, squeezing it tightly. He took a deep breath before take a second attempt at telling me what he had planned to say. 

"I can't be with you because i have cancer." His brows furrowed and his expression changed, it looked like he was being tortured. 

"I'm so sorry Chloe... but i don't want you having a sick boyfriend, it's not fair on you. Your feelings for me will get stronger and it's going to put you through even more pain to see me get extremely sick than it already will. I have bone cancer Chloe, when i told you i was going on tour, i lied. That's actually the week i'm schedualed to be placed in hospital. They're going to try and fix me by doing some test and operations, but who knows how they will turn out...within those three months leading up to that week i'm going to be getting extremely sick and by the time i'm in hopsital i won't be the same Harry you know and love. I'll barely be able to walk, i won't be able to leave the medical room and i wouldn't be able to love you like a normal boyfriend could... I've always just wanted you to be happy, for you to find someone better than Tom, someone who will treat you right and love you for who you are... I've always wanted that someone to be me. But i can't do this to you Chlo, i can't put you through even more pain and suffering than i'm already going to" He finished speaking and as i glanced up to reveal my hurt and painful expression i saw a single tear had slid down his cheek. I was too shocked to cry, infact i was too shocked to say anything either. I didn't believe it! I couldn't! My best friend, the person i loved and wanted to have love me back, was slowly dying from cancer. I felt my heart sink and then break into a billion pieces. I shook my head furiously as the tears now started to fall.

"Harry, i can fix you, i'll make you better. Tell me how Harry, tell me how!!!" I screamed as the tears started streaming down my face. Somehow I was still breathing but i was sure I was dead. I knew my heart wouldn't be able to cope with any more tradgedy. 

I couldn't be seen like this... but more importantly, i couldn't let Harry see me like this. Without even thinking I shot up from the table and began running. Where i was going, i had no idea. But i knew i needed to get away. I flew out of the cafe door and ran down the road. I needed to get out of here, i needed something to take me away... far, far away. I just wanted to forget everything and everyone in the past eighteen years of my life. Even if that meant forgetting Harry too.