Patriots and Loyalists, Secrets and Romance

six

James arrived the next week but I didn't get to see him at first. He just visited with his aunt and uncle- Lord and Lady Dunmore- so I was just waiting around. 

It was hard. I was nervous but so anxious to meet him. I still could hardly believe I was getting married, and I hated that I'd gone so long without even meeting him. What if we hated each other? What if we didn't have anything in common? What if we disagreed on everything? My mother told me when you get married you have to agree with your husband on things so I really hoped James and I agreed on things anyway, because I just was not some quiet girl who would go along with someone else's opinions if I didn't agree with them. I would say what I thought and stand up for my beliefs. My mother said it is not ladylike to be so outspoken. I told her that I'm no lady, then. And she shook her head and said "where did I go wrong?" I laugh at the memory now, but it caused a big rift between my mother and I for a long time.

When Patience was helping me change my dress for dinner, she said, "I hope he isn't ugly."

"Patience!" I laughed. 

"That didn't sound very nice, did it?" She said, laughing.

Truthfully I hadn't even wondered about what he would look like. I'd only thought of whether or not he and I would get along and be a good match for each other's personalities. What he looked like presented a whole new worry. I know married couples kissed and did other things. It would be hard to go ahead and do those things if I didn't feel attracted to him at all.

The morning I met James, I dressed in one of the new dresses Patience had helped my mother make for me.  James was wearing an expensive suit. He had a white powdered wig on and a brown ribbon and expensive looking hose. I knew he would know all the latest fashions from Europe and I hoped that my clothing didn't look out of date, because I'd heard that the colonies were often a few years behind in the fashion trends. I hoped my dress didn't look like it was something now out of style. 

He was very gracious, saying madame and when I outstretched my hand to him, he placed a kiss on my glove.

"I am so glad to finally meet you. And may I say, you are lovely." 

I blushed. I was glad if he thought I was pretty. What if he'd been disappointed when he saw me? I worried about marrying someone who didn't think I was pretty because then he might not be interested in me and start chasing other women. It would be embarrassing to have a husband who ignored you and flirted with other women. That would be an awful way to live.

As for him, I didn't find him particularly handsome, but he wasn't bad looking. Honestly my father's apprentice Jonathan was cuter. But James was going to be my husband and I was relieved that he was basically good looking, even if I didn't exactly have butterflies in my stomach over him or anything romantic like that. 

But after my brief meeting with James, I went to see Patience and she looked out of breath. "Oh Winnie, you're so lucky, he is a dream, what a prince." 

"Yes," I said, "He's very mannerly."

"Oh, no, I wasn't talking about his manners. Although those are nice too. No, what I was talking about are his dashing good looks."

'You think he's handsome?" I asked her, surprised.

"Didn't you?" she asked, even more surprised.

"I think he's pretty good looking," I said objectively. "I wasn't exactly attracted to him myself, but I can look at him objectively and know he is what most girls would consider very handsome."

She rolled her eyes. "I think he is a dish, but you're marrying him and don't even see it."

I threw a pillow at her. "It sounds like you ought to be the one marrying him."

She laughed. "Imagine that."

"Oh," she suddenly spoke up. "Jonathan was in here earlier looking for you."

"Really?" I asked, interested. "What did he want?"

"I'm not sure," she said. "I think he just wanted to tell you best wishes or something, about you getting married. He sounded sad though."  

"I wonder why," I said.

She stared at me. "I always thought he liked you."

I turned to her, shocked. "What? Why?"

She shrugged. "He just always looks at you so sweetly. When you've had young men come calling, he never likes them."

"I didn't notice. I wonder why he doesn't like them..."

Patience said, "Honestly Winnie you're terribly outspoken and opinionated and it's off putting to many men."

"You've heard men say that about me?" I asked.

She said, "Being a servant, people often say things right in front of me as if I'm not even there. Which isn't nice but in a way it's good because I get to hear everything they think. And many men have left this house saying you were too unladylike, too many opinions, too unmanageable and would be a terrible wife."

"Oh," I said stoutly.

"But Jonathan seems to admire you for your strong thoughts. He seems to think you're something special because you aren't like all the other girls. You like having nice dresses, but you're not silly enough that all you care about is how you look- you care about things happening in the world and you think deeply about real issues."

"My father used to joke that I should have been a boy," I admitted. "But you know what? I hate that there has to be such a difference between the way men are expected to act and speak, and the way women are expected to act and think."

She nodded. "That's one of your weird thoughts that Jonathan seems to admire you for."

"Hmmm" I said. "I never knew that."

Then I shook my head. "I shouldn't bother thinking about Jonathan. I am getting married, after all."

"Yes, you're getting married, to the most handsome man I've ever seen!" she swooned.

I shook my head. "You ought to be the one marrying him," I said again.