Antidote - Kokichi Ouma. (Songfic.)

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by TisCrypt

by TisCrypt

I climbed onto the press, exchanging one final look with Kaito Momota. A look of true horror was painted upon his face, while my expression morphed into a bland, dead one. I was still alive, but I already felt dead -- my time was nearing. I let a small sigh escape my lips, hearing the sound of Kaito coughing as he approached the lever. The only person that had witnessed my true character was going to meet his end shortly after me. He was the only person that I had admitted my true feelings to -- the only person that heard my final words; and yet, I still don't think he believed me when I said that I hated the killing game and wanted it to end.

Finding refuge in my own lies
"How are you?"
"I'm doing alright"
Small talk is a great disguise
Just let me be, just let me be

The firm line my lips were in began to sink, morphing into a frown. As I looked at the press above me, my eyes began to cloud and my vision became blurry. Was it my tears or an effect from the poison? I bit my lip as it quivered slightly, then waterfalls came crashing down -- I had found my answer. Throughout the class trials, I had ridiculed the various culprits for hiding behind layers of deceit, but I had been doing the exact same thing. I was the one truly hiding behind a layer of deceit.

Empty thoughts start to crowd my mind
Am I only living, living to survive?
Shake it off but I've lost the drive
Just let me be just let me be
Let me be, okay

In order to survive in the world, sometimes you have to lie. When the world takes everything from you before you have it in the first place, you just have to take what is rightfully yours. When the world throws burdens upon your shoulders, sometimes you have to rebel -- you can't always be the honest, innocent angel everyone expects. In a world where the odds were stacked against me, I made my own path. I'd be lying if I said it was a respectable, honorable path, but it was a path nonetheless. I had survived, but that didn't mean I was left unscathed. I had wounds long before the killing game started.

No one knows what goes on up inside my head
There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread
No one knows what goes on up inside my head
They don't think I need help
But I'm scaring myself
I just want to be okay
I just want to be okay

In the end, I didn't want to lie to myself anymore. I was in my safe haven -- my mind. My mind was a place where no one could judge or deceive me, and yet, I had been lying to myself for a long time. In the safe place where I could be free, I created an alternate version of myself -- a fake persona. It felt wrong, and yet, I felt I needed it in order to survive -- it had served me for a majority of my life. When I entered the killing game, I truly embraced the imposter -- my fake personality.

All the voices in my head are coming to life
They're getting louder and I'm, I'm terrified
How do you run from your own mind?
Is this what I've become?
Take it back what have I done

I found out rather quickly that my true, unrefined nature would put me in the ground. Lies, deceit, malice -- they were the ingredients for my new self, or rather, my impostor. In a world that showers you with nothing but indignity -- what goes around, comes around; and thus, I became the very thing I loathed. In a game of death, only one person offered me a hand, and I took advantage of his kindness. In order to survive, sometimes you have to lie -- sometimes you have to embrace the malice. Life has always been a game of survival, even before the killing game -- and yet, I feel the regret looming over me.

My entire existence was about to be remembered as a lie -- those left alive will remember me for who I made up, not for who I truly was -- or at least, that was what I feared. In an attempt to put an end to the game, I decided to sacrifice myself for my final plan. I allowed Kaito's precious Maki to continue living -- it was what he would have wanted most, right? In the end, will they see that my intentions weren't full of malice? I could have taken the antidote myself -- I could have sacrificed Kaito and Maki; and yet, I decided to save a couple of students that couldn't care less about my well being. In the end, I hope my plan ends up saving every one of them -- exposing the mastermind once and for all. The antidote could have allowed me to continue living, but it wouldn't have truly cured me. My plan to save the remaining students -- that was the true antidote that could save my soul. In the end, I hope my lies can save them all -- then maybe they will finally realize that lies aren't always told with bad intentions.

No one knows what goes on up inside my head
There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread
But I didn't think the antidote was in my hands
I can change my plans I can change my plans
I tried to find my reflection on the glass
But all I ever saw were the things I lacked
All the smudges on the mirror made me go insane
All I ever thought I was
Was a mistake

As I blankly stared up at the press, it began to lower itself. The metallic sound of the press rang through my ears, causing my stomach to churn -- or maybe that was just the poison? I swallowed roughly, tear stains adorning my cheeks. Normally, in a moment like this I would smile, but I didn't want my final moments to be fake. My lips curved downwards as I gritted my teeth in anticipation. I began to feel claustrophobic as the press was merely inches away from my face -- I was horrified.

"I'm not going to make it," I painfully let out my signature laugh, but it didn't sound happy, or cheerful -- it was soaked in fear. "I'm not going to be okay."

No one knows what goes on up inside my head

There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread

No one knows what goes on up inside my head

Up inside my head

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Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this, please check out my Kokichi Ouma x Reader:

https://www.quotev.com/story/11312643/Therapy-Sessions-Kokichi-x-Reader