Habits of My Heart

Chapter 32

Its been awhile 👀

Happy New Years!!... My book turned one back in December and I completely forgot about that 😭😭😭

I won't hold y'all any longer...

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Enjoy ❤️

I thought I saw the devil
This morning
Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue
With the warning
To help me see myself clearer
I never meant to start a fire
I never meant to make you bleed
I'll be a better man today

My past has tasted bitter
For years now
So I wield an iron fist
Grace is just weakness
Or so I've been told
I've been cold, I've been merciless
But the blood on my hands scares me to death
Maybe I'm waking up today

I'll be good, I'll be good
And I'll love the world like I should
I'll be good, I'll be good

For all the light that I shut out
For all the innocent things that I doubt
For all the bruises I've caused and the tears
For all the things that I've done all these years
And all
Yeah, for all of the sparks that I stomped out
For all of the perfect things I doubt

I'll be good, I'll be good
And I'll love the world, like I should
Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good
For all the times I never could

Jaymes Young- I'll be good

August

Jumping out of my sleep, I ignore the sweat trickling down my face as I quickly felt across the bed to make sure Xe was next to me.

Feeling her next to me, I wait for my eyes to adjust in the dark room before gently turning her over on her back.

During the night she'd roll over on her stomach and it scares me because she's getting bigger and I don't want her to crush the baby.

Lifting her shirt I place my hand over her stomach as I try to calm my erratic breathing.

Leaning over I gently place kisses on her stomach as I continue to try and get my breathing back to normal.

"I love you so much and I won't let anyone hurt you." I whisper to my munchkin.

I haven't left Xe's side since she told me she was keeping our baby.

I've been paranoid that she's going to take the baby away or something is going to happen to them.

I can't take those chances so I be with her every moment I can. I want her to move in with me so I know she and my baby is safe.

I'm trying not to smother her too much but I keep having these nightmares about her killing the baby and someone hurting her.

I know she said It's too late to get an abortion but I can't stop these thoughts running through my mind. All this stems from Rose getting an abortion without my knowledge and then Xe saying she was getting one bring back those feelings.

I have no control of the situation and I just feel I'm going to wake up one day she's going to tell me she had the abortion.