Thoughts.

No Longer A Crush.

I've been reading a lot of Shoujo mangas recently. They're really addicting and fun. Some of the scenes reminded me of some things that happened in my life. It made me think about the time spent with him. It was one of the weird confusing relationships. We at first liked each other and then hanged out during lunch. But we didn't date or anything like that. Both of us just weren't meant to be together. Now we're friends. Sad to say, but probably those friendships where we just say hi if we see each other. I have no idea what it would be like if I saw him when school starts. It was really the weirdest thing. I've spent lunch with him almost everyday and yet I still don't know him that much. He's been a very lonely sad dude. But he always acts different with his friends. But then sometimes he would warm up to me. And then he would give me the cold shoulder and just ignore me and be mean to me. We didn't agree with most things and sometimes it was hard to converse with him. We were both awkward. On the last days of school, I really wanted to sit with him at lunch and talk about everything. Just for closure. We even indirectly talked about this through Facebook. Of how he said things would end badly. At least I knew that he probably was referring to us. He's always like that. Being negative while I was being positive. But on that last lunch day, he avoided me. And I really wanted to talk to him. And now those memories with him are just going to be a lesson. He was one of those people i liked and he liked me back. Even at first we barely knew each other. Then i got to know him and we learned we don't like each other. It was really confusing at the time. I liked him and then he liked me. Timing was horrible. And we just aren't compatible at all. On occasion i usually joke around about how hes an asshole. But deep down hes sensitive. And i think he's going through rough times maybe emotionally. I don't know what would be the cause but i wish him the best. Even though I don't agree with anything he says, i know we're both gonna live and go on with our lives. This year was just a high school memory of crushes and feels and all that. I guess it was special in a way in the beginning. Feeling like you wanna run away when you see them because you're nervous and your heart beats. I've only experienced that the first time when I saw him after he confessed to me via fb. But yep. Now I'm not sure what to do really. I text him stupid stuff like once every 3 days. I guess it's just a way to say that,"youre still a friend and I said I would keep in touch and I'm doing just that." But I have a feeling if I don't text him in days, he wouldn't text me first anymore. It looks like he's in the mentality that "well we're not like that so I'm going to move on" I'm not gonna blame him. The only way to preserve your feelings and make it go away is to not initiate. But I'm still going to go the way i usually do. And this thing we had will fade away to turn into memories of the past.