I used to be so strong but now you took my soul
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. It was her heartbeat. Her heartbeat. She opened her eyes and looked over at the monitor that measured her heart. It was fine. She was alive. She was okay. So what had happened?
Demi looked around the hospital room and saw Wilmer and Dallas and Eiza and her mom sleeping on the couch against the window. There was a monitor hooked up to her stomach but she couldn't tell where the wires led to. There was an IV in her left hand, and another one on her right arm. She moved around a bit, wondering how long she had been in that bed. She wasn't uncomfortable she just wasn't used to it.
"You're awake," her OBGYN was whispering as she entered the room, being mindful of the four people sleeping in her room. She didn't fail to notice how Wilmer's arm was slung around Eiza's neck, the same way he usually held Demi was she was sleeping. She didn't want to worry about that right now. She wanted to know why she was in a hospital.
"Am I okay?" Her OBGYN, Dr. Phillips, gave her a solemn look and came to sit on the edge of her bed. She rested her hand on Demi's kneecap and opened her mouth to explain.
"Let's do an ultra sound and check on the baby, okay?" She patted her knee twice and went to get the machine for it. Demi laid back on the bed. Wilmer moved a bit on the couch causing everyone to move and readjust their sleeping positions as well. She slightly chuckled and leaned back on the bed as Dr. Phillips came back in.
"We can do it on your stomach this time," Dr. Phillips cleared her throat and Demi pushed her gown up, covering her legs and thighs with the blanket because of her lack of underwear.
She saw the baby on the screen. Her precious angel was still shaped like a bean, but her baby was growing and that's all that mattered.
"Can we listen to the heartbeat?" Demi questioned, knowing that would cheer her up. Dr. Phillips gulped but still nodded, hitting a few buttons on the machine and Demi waited to hear it.
"I don't hear anything," Demi said, looking up at Dr. Phillips who played with the buttons on her shirt and lowered her head.
"Why can't I hear anything?"
And I'm crying
"Demi..." Dr. Phillips trailed off, turning the machine off. She noticed everyone else was on the couch, awake, but Demi didn't.
"Why can't I hear anything?" Demi repeated. She knew the answer, but she needed to hear it from a professional.
"You had a miscarriage Demi. I am so sorry," a week ago. It was only a week ago that Demi had gone to the doctor's office and heard the heartbeat of her child. She heard it. She had recorded it and danced to it and smiled and laughed and thrown her own little party because she had a living breathing baby inside of her. Now, there was nothing. No heartbeat. Just silence. And a dead baby inside of her stomach once again.
"Again?" Demi asked, willing herself not to tear up. She was tired of crying. She was so tired of everything.
"Back when you had your eating disorder and your periods were irregular, it messed your hormones up. You're chemically unbalanced. Of course since your periods are now regular and you're ovulating like normal, you can get pregnant. The hard part will be actually keeping the baby. We can run tests but I just don't want to put you through that, Demi," Dr. Phillips went to touch her but Demi snatched her arm away, wrapping them around herself and lowering her head. There was something wrong with her. She could carry children but chances are that they won't make it. How was that fair? How was that fair to her or her babies?
