SIERRA'S LEONE

NIGHTMARES

Jonas and Sierra were victims of Cecile's souvenirs. Some nights when they closed their eyes, they giggled in remembrance of joyful times. Other nights the nightmares strangled and left them breathless like Jonas, who gasped for air.

The man saw Cecile's face in full HD.

"Where were you?"

"Where do you think?"

"Cecile."

"You want to talk now? Is the king of silence ready to hear me now?"

Jonas regretted if he had spoken to her. If he listened, perhaps she wouldn't have gone out to get her doses. During three days, Jonas searched in all the areas known for such activities. Cecile was nowhere to be found. Finally, on the fourth day, Jonas found her in a squat. He nursed her for two days, and here she was up again.

"Cecile, stop it. I told you I don't want this anymore. I don't want to share you with others. I don't wish to share you with your addiction. Please, I beg you, stop it for you and us."

"It's not that simple, Jonas," Cecile sobbed, "do you think I can just wish it away like that."

Jonas grasped her by the shoulders and searched in her stare, "I know, Cecile, I'm sorry."

"I told you, I'm sick. I know I am, but I can't help it."

"Tell me, Cecile, what do I need to do? I'd do anything. I'd give any part of myself for you. It kills me to see you this way. I die when you do this, and I don't know how to deal with this anymore."

Jonas despaired; he engulfed her in a hug wishing his arms could absorb all of Cecile's pain. The man detested himself; he was not of any use to her. Jonas had no idea of how to support Cecile. A silent individual, Jonas only had his actions to show he cared, but his lack of words made him seem stingy. There Jonas attempted to express what he kept bottled up. During all this time, the man thought he spared Cecile when in reality, the woman suffered.

Bipolar, anxious-depressive, and a drug addict, rare were the moments where Cecile lived a typical day without having her humor plummet.

Jonas wished happy Cecile would stay longer, but broken Cecile was also part of her.

A good day without a cry was priceless, and a week a treasure.

"What do you want me to say? Leave me and live. I'm not forcing Jonas. I'm not asking you any sacrifice. Go on, leave me," the woman shoved a man who didn't budge an inch. Cecile's fists were as light as Coton.

How much weight had she lost?

Her face had shrunk, and her skin was paper-thin.

She needed professional help and quick. Jonas feared for her life.

"Cecile, please, just one more time."

The woman hated rehab, she had tried the centers twice and relapsed, but Jonas wasn't there then. For the first time in years, she had someone other than Sierra who loved her whole with demons included.

So many times Cecile hurt the man, she fled but always came back. The woman finally understood she loved him. Cecile adored the benevolent stare Jonas laid upon her. He deserved so much better than the breadcrumbs of love soaked in vodka of her addictions.

Jonas merited someone as good and as pure as him. Cecile would destroy him if they stayed together.

"I don't love you, Jonas. You know me, I love to mess about; you don't mean anything to me. I don't know where and why you got the idea you and I were a thing," Cecile chuckled, "Jonas, you're just a passe-temps like the rest. I live to kill time."

"Stop it; I know you don't mean a word."

"Look at me. I don't love you, Jonas."

"Jonas."

"Jonas."

The man opened his eyes. Sierra's head hovered above his. He sat up; his whole body was damp with sweat. It took a second for the man to realize where he was and who spoke.

"You were shaking; you had a nightmare."

Jonas's eyes shifted to the clock on the wall and back to Sierra, who still wore the dress she had for her date with Vincent. It was ten to eleven. The man who stayed up waiting for her return by regularly peeking through the curtains and door keyhole dozed off.

While Jonas struggled in his dreams, Sierra savored passionate kisses in Vincent's car, the elevator, and Jonas' unattended front of the door.

"Do you want to talk?"

"No," the man said, throwing away the covers and getting up. He headed to the bathroom and washed his face. In the mirror, Cecile's reflection stood behind him.

"What do you want from me?" The man asked the reflection that smiled at him. Always silent and present. The woman never left him, or was it he who clung to her spirit?

"Jonas."

The man turned his head to find Sierra standing at the bathroom door.

"If you need-."

"Sierra, I don't need anything right now. Just leave me alone, will you?"

The tone took Sierra by surprise. It was so rare for Jonas to show his anger; Sierra never knew how to react. Unlike Cecile, who preferred the frontal approach by going for a face-off, Sierra retreated to her bedroom. Jonas remained to stare at the mirror. Yes, Cecile was dead, and she rapted a part of Jonas with her.

He imagined perhaps Sierra was the key, but doubts filled his mind as he saw how things were turning out.

Their relationship was complicated from the beginning, yet the time spent together changed things. 

What if, like Cecile, Sierra saw Jonas as a passe-temps, a toy she used until she found something better?

For the first time since his arrival in the French capital, Jonas felt out of place, and unfortunately for the man, the following days did not arrange his matters as he bore witness of Vincent's invasion.

Jonas watched Sierra's smile, and attention deviate. Even Leone, who observed his father's hopelessness, was unable to help.

"Hi Jonas," Vincent said as he entered Sierra's apartment.

Vincent imposed his presence daily, leaving no time for Sierra's thoughts to escape in the scandivinan wonderland of her mind.

"Hi. Sierra, Vincent is here. I'm going down to the basement."

Sierra didn't say a word. The woman accepted the new norm the man installed. Since her date with Vincent, Jonas distanced himself from her.

The new routine went as follows Vincent arrived, and Jonas went down, leaving the lovebirds. The man worked on Sierra's chair as though his life depended on it. His mind raced as the man tried to think of a plan. None of his scenarios were viable. In every single one, Sierra turned her back on him.

Sierra, who prayed for something to break the spell holding Jonas and her hostage, found relief in the situation, but Karma is no one's fool.