Luke has been waiting a long time for his chance. A really, really long time. Even an eternity, one might say (one should say, because that’s how long it’s actually been). He’s getting back, though. He’s going to get even with everyone. All the angels, all the saints and apostles, and God himself. Luke’s going to get back to Heaven one way or another.
When God kicked him out of Heaven and told him he wouldn’t return until he had finished his temper tantrum and learned to respect humankind, Luke was a little pissed, but not as pissed as when he realized that to further punish him, God had decided to trap him in the mood he was when he left. Which means that Luke’s been living as a really pissed off 17-year-old boy for an indeterminable length of time.
At first, Luke was all about the wars. Being Satan has its perks. Perks in extreme quotations, because Luke remembers what Heaven felt like, and if you take what you imagine Heaven is and multiply it by ten, you’d still probably be pretty far off. Luke enjoyed the wars, don’t get it twisted. Nothing quite matches up to the masses of people dying every day for years at a time, the starvation, internment camps, etcetera, etcetera. So much misery for Luke to shove in God’s face. Look how you’ve failed your humans. Look how they crawl through life, begging for mercy.
But you can only start so many wars. Sure, you get one here and there, but Luke hadn’t really been too involved since World War II. After that, Luke realized he’d stopped starting wars and causing misery to get back at God. He was doing it because he was bored.
After that revelation, Luke decided it was time to settle down. If he was going to be an irritatingly useless teenage boy forever, he might as well have fun. Luke had planted enough evil that humans no longer needed him to cause pain. Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day, teach him how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. Start a war, and you enjoy horrors for a couple of years at most. Teach mankind how to start a war, and they bring their own species down without any help.
It was all well and good to be orchestrating all this tragedy and horror, but the whole teenage rebellion thing wore off pretty fast. Took a couple thousand years, of course, but when you have forever, a couple thousand years is nothing much. And now Luke can sit back and watch the world destroy itself, but for now, he finds joy in the finer things in life. Like popping little kids’ balloons and having people get splashed by rain puddles and making sure little puppies get run over by school buses. Well, maybe the puppies is going a bit overboard, even for Luke. But you get the general idea. Luke’s going into retirement early, but he can still have his fun.
He’d almost given up on getting back to Heaven, really, until this morning. The anger and bitterness and shame that had poisoned his mind for ages had finally petered out, his motivation stolen. But that was before he realized exactly how he was going to get back to Heaven. This is something they couldn’t possibly overlook.
Luke is going to get the boy he ran into at the ever-so-cliche Starbucks this morning out of a gang. He’s going to put him back on the right track. Not because Luke cares, of course—Luke doesn’t give a flying fuck about this kid. He’s even more human than everyone else, all good intentions and stupidly noble ideas and pure sacrifice. It’s enough to make Luke sick. But that means it’ll be easier to accomplish what Luke wants. This plan can’t possibly go wrong. Luke knew from the minute the boy glared at Luke and asked him to shut the fuck up that it’d be a long and prosperous friendship. Well, not quite, but Luke could even feel the wave of irritation, and Luke knows that’ll make it a lot easier to manipulate him to do what he wants.
If Luke can get Ashton Irwin out of the drug gang he’s trapped in, God’s going to have to take Luke back. It’s only fair.
He can’t wait to be done with this hellhole. Funny, Earth being the real Hell. Who knew God appreciated irony?
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Cover credits to @CannotLiveWithoutYou.
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heaven is a place on earth (lashton)
FanfictionIn which Luke is literally Lucifer and Ashton's only hope of feeding his family is a drug gang, Ashton becomes Luke's way of getting back to Heaven, and somewhere along the way they both stop hating each other long enough to need each other. And Luk...
