Happy Lowman Imagines

Burn With You || Part Two

Maybe you were a fool; that's what your friends told you. Every time he came back into your life the heartbreak was but a distant memory. In your eyes he could do no wrong and you weren't going to waste a moment of your time with him being bitter about the past.
Your friends told you he would leave again and you'd laugh it off, saying "If it doesn't burn a little, then what's the point of playing with fire?".

The past three months had been nothing short of heaven. Many nights were spent at the clubhouse, laughing with his brothers and making love in his dorm. And the nights that weren't spent at Teller Morrow were spent at your house, tangled together in between the sheets and making up for lost time.
You had missed him, and all the things that came with being with him. You had missed the smell of him on your pillows, and his boots left next to the front door. You'd missed riding with him, clinging to his waist with your cheek pressed against the worn leather on his back.
You'd fallen back into the routine you'd had so many times before and you allowed yourself to hope. Hope that things would work out this time.

-

You woke at 3.27am. You weren't sure what woke you. You were a heavy sleeper and the house was quiet and the room was dark, the only light coming from the red digits on your alarm clock. You sighed and rolled over, draping your arm over the man beside you. But instead of touching Happy your hand hit the mattress and you sat up instantly. He was gone.
You threw the covers back and leapt off the bed, and the moment your feet hit the carpet you were running. You threw the bedroom door open and moved down the hall, heading for the light coming from the living room.
And there he was, sitting on the sofa as he pulled his boots on, duffel bag crammed full of all his belongings next to him.
He looked up upon hearing your arrival and you hated the pity you saw in his eyes.
Neither of you spoke, you simply stared at each other before he went back to his boots.
"So that's it, huh?" Your voice was quiet and you wished you didn't sound so defeated.
Happy sighed and ran his hands over his face.
"You're not even gonna say anything?"
"What is there to say?"
You scoffed and threw your hands in the air.
"I don't know, Happy, how about goodbye?! How about explaining to me why your doing this yet again?!"
"You know why." Happy said flatly.
You shook you head. "No, I don't."
"It's too dangerous."
"Bullshit!"
Happy glared at you, a hint of anger in his dark eyes but you continued.
"Life is dangerous, Happy! I could get hit by a car tomorrow! Break my neck getting out of the shower! But being with you? It isn't dangerous!"
Happy stood. "You have no idea how dangerous it is to be with me." He stepped towards you, a tower of anger. "You have no idea what I do."
You laughed bitterly.  "You think I don't know why you have those tats? For fucks sake, Happy, your friends call you Killer!"
His jaw clenched. "That's exactly why-"
"You think I've forgotten?" You interrupted. "You think I don't remember cleaning the blood off your clothes?"
Your chest rises with every breath you take, the anger seething through you but when you speak again it's calmer than before.
"You think I don't know what you do?"
Happy gulped, hearing the way your voice broke despite your rage felt like a knife going through his heart.
He didn't know to say. You had never challenged him like this before, and as much as he hated to admit it you had a point.
He sat back down, wiping his hands over his face. "It's for the best."
"The best for who? Huh? It sure as hell ain't the best for me and I don't think it's the best for you either."
"This isn't up for discussion, (y/n)."
You scoffed again and shook your head. "So I don't even get a say now? That's it, done, finished?!"
Happy shrugged. "Yeah. It's done." He said firmly.
"Why do you keep denying this? What we have, it's.. it's real!"
Happy pinched the bridge of his nose and you wanted to scream at this idiot.
"Don't!" You yelled. "Don't you dare act as if you don't love me!"
He didn't look at you, his eyes now focused on his feet.
"Don't I mean anything to you?" Your voice was barely above a whisper but you knew he had heard you by the way his jaw clenched.
You grabbed a cushion of the armchair next to you and threw it at him but he didn't even flinch as it hit his side and fell to the floor.
He was really leaving.
The full force of the defeat hit you instantly and it took everything you had not to fall apart right there. Your fingernails dug into your palms, little crescents almost deep enough to draw blood.
"Fine." You said with a shaky breath. "If you're going to leave, then go. I won't stop you. But don't come back. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this again."

You walked back to your bedroom, running your fingertips along the wall as you went. You barely felt the grooves of the wallpaper or the carpet beneath your feet. Everything felt numb. Once back in your room you collapsed onto the bed and pulled the sheets around you. His scent wafted to you and you couldn't hold it in anymore. Sobs ripped through your chest and you clung to the fabric in sheer desperation. You should have known. You should have known it was only a matter of time, but you had let yourself believe things would be different this time. You really thought he would stay.

—

You didn't feel like functioning today, let alone showering. But you managed to haul yourself out of bed, even if it was just to get the tub of ice cream out of the freezer. And you didn't care that it was only 8.30 am. Frankly, you didn't really care about anything.
As you entered the hallway you could see the living room light was still on and you cursed under your breath.
If Happy was going to leave in the middle of the night, ripping your heart out as he did so, he could have at least had the decency to turn the bloody light off.
You were too busy muttering under your breath to notice the boots tucked neatly beside the sofa and as you reached for the light switch you paused.
Happy watched you carefully, his face contort with emotion.
You stared at him, your chest rising and falling as you tried to comprehend what this means.
Happy stood, his usual confident demeanour faultering. He was nervous.
"What-"
"I'm-"
You both spoke at once and stopped abruptly.
Happy continued, shifting uncomfortably on his feet.
"You are right."
When you only stared at him in response he continued.
"I love you, y/n. I do. And you're right. I've been pushing you away because I don't want you to get hurt. I can't-" He sighed. "If anything happened to you because of me.."
He struggled with what to say but you waited patiently. He had never been much of a talker.
"But I can't protect you if I'm not with you."
Tears stung your eyes and you continued to stare at him.
Happy walked forwards and stopped in front of you. Ever so carefully he cupped your face and lifted your chin to meet your gaze.
His eyes had always been dark. Like the ocean at night, dark and dangerous. Hiding everything that lay beneath the surface. Ghosts of his crimes haunted them.
They were dark when he was happy and even darker when filled with lust. You had seen his eyes in many shades but you'd never seen them so soft.
"You're staying?"
Happy nodded slowly. "I'm not going anywhere."
A tear ran down your cheek but it was different to the ones you had shed last night. His thumb brushed it away gently.
He leant his forehead against your own and you placed your hands on his shoulders, your thumbs tracing the sides of his neck.
"I love you, (y/n)."
You couldn't help the smile that spread across your lips. "I love you too, Happy."
His lips pressed against yours and you could feel him smiling into the kiss and for the first time in a long time your heart felt full. Full of hope for the future and full of warmth. But more than anything, it was full of Happy.