the myths of death

Myths

My mother had always told me small myths to get me to behave.

"If you make your face like that, the wind will change and it will stay like that forever"

"If you play too many video games your eyes will turn into squares."

But one that I believed all my life, was that everybody dies. That was a myth. I guess, it must've been hard for people do deal with the ceasing of their loved ones, so thousands of years ago, they invented 'death' to help people cope. Death is not a thing that happens, death is not a person nor is it a illness. It's simply a word that people have used for hundred of years to describe the passing of a once living thing.

I had 'died'. And only then did I truly understand what happens.

The hospital was horrible, nothing about a hospital is every nice. There were doctors rushing everywhere, in their stupid green robes and white face masks. People yelling at other people to "get the life support, it's critical" or "be careful, he's in terrible condition." I'm not sure if they knew, but I could hear everything they said and despite being numb all over and not able to move anything, my brain was still 100% working. And I think that was the problem.

It's amazing what a small sickness bug can do. It started off as a few puking episodes, and turned into a passing-out-everytime-I-stood episode. Phil called the ambulance the third time it happened because apparently I was bleeding out of my nose and mouth, which I can't recall because clearly I was "in too much of a critical, condition" those were the words I heard a lot in my last days of life. I don't think that my "death" was painful, that's the thing about dying- you don't feel it. It's all a myth.

So here I am, actually, I have no idea where I am. I know I'm somewhere, but I definitely know I'm not dead. You know that feeling of being in a dream, half awake and half asleep? That is my life now. I'm aware of my full surroundings and I can see earth as it happens below. I am not in a room, and I'm very alone. But that's all I know. I can't talk, which doesn't matter as there's nobody to talk to, but I can think and I can see. I'm always watching Phil, he's not okay and all I want to do is go down (or up) to our apartment and see him at least for another day, to say goodbye properly.

For my calculations, I have only been here for an hour, and all I've witnessed is a lot of crying from my mother, father, brother, Phil, PJ and the fans. It hurts, a lot.

"You need to calm down, so we can explain exactly what's going to happen." One of the doctors tell Phil. How dare he tell my Phil to calm down. Talk about controlling.

"Listen, he's gone. You have to be okay with this. We are willing to organise therapy or your mother to visit. But you will have to leave the hospital as it's been an hour and we have to fit in more patients and clean Dan's room." The doctor continues. I hate this doctor, and I really hope he wasn't the one who operated on me.

"Yep." Is all Phil replies with, he nods and stands up. The vision of that is gone. Where did it go? Another vision is emerging. It's my mum and dad.

"We have to go to London." Says mum.

"Hun, no. Think about it, there's nothing in London for us. Dan is dead now," I hated the way he said 'dead' because infact, I wasn't dead. I didn't feel dead, I just felt gone. "the best we can do is remember him." My dad tries to sound strong, but I can tell he is sad. I hate seeing all these people I care about being sad for me. I wasn't that important, just another human being who lived an extraordinary life while it lasted.

"Mum. Dad?" My brother appears. He is sobbing, my stomach turns. Seeing my baby brother crying because of me is painful.

"Yes sweetie?" I cringe at my mothers use of sweetie, he's 15.

"Can we go to London to see Phil and pick up Dan's things?" He asks. Uh oh. I don't think Phil would be okay with them taking my stuff, and I don't think I'm okay with it either. But I have to let them do it. I can't interfere.

"Adrian, you know how tight we are with money and-"

"Steve, stop. Of course we can go to London. It will be nice to see Phil, and yes we can organise Dan's things, maybe give to Charity the things we don't want to keep and keep the things we want." Mum explains.

"Will Phil be okay with Dan's things being taken?" My dad includes.

"What's he going to do with them?" Adrian points. I really don't want them to take my belongings from Phil. Because I know how much I would hate it if it happened to me.

"Point taken. Okay. We will work something out," My dad goes in for a family hug. I used to hate them, but I could really do with one right now. Seeing my mother's tear stained face. I bet they only got the call an hour ago that I had "gone to a better place". 

Again, my vision is lost, and replaced with something new. It's PJ. His eyes look sad, and like he's trying not to cry. His bedroom is a mess and he is dialling Phil's number into his phone. 

"Phil?.. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm worried about you?... Phil you- no I'm coming over, ok?" I can't understand what he was talking about but I know that PJ sounded really concerned. I hope Phil is okay.. oh god, I hope Phil is ok.