Lose Your Mind//Frerard

Chapter 29 - I Need You

Frank:

I didn't talk to Gerard for the rest of the time I was stuck at home. I hardly spoke to Ryan or Brendon either. When Ray and Mikey came to see me, I ignored them until they left. I mostly just stayed in my room, not answering my phone, staring into space with some kind of alcohol in hand. At one point, Brendon even gave me a joint to cheer me up, but it just turned my dark thoughts morbidly funny. I barely ate either, my stomach growling loudly to no avail. I didn't care enough to eat or look after myself in general. I didn't even care enough to move. I was just numb. I didn't sleep. Every time I drifted off, I was woken moments later by sights of blood, memories of electrocution and thoughts of... him. He was the one thing that wouldn't get out of my head. He had left me alone after my outburst when I came back, and I had made no attempt to make contact with him either. And if that wasn't already shitty enough, my hallucinations kept getting worse. I could hardly tell the difference between the real and imagined. Voices ran rampant in my mind - some would sing and some would scream. Most told me not to talk to him. They told me he was poison. They told me thst he was trying to ruin my life. I had few choices but to listen to them. They were right.

The voices died with me, after all. If they were in my mind, I could trust them. I could trust my mind, right? I didn't know anymore. I didn't know much anymore. All I knew was misery. Few things seemed to trigger emotions in me. Thinking about him made a sickening cocktail of rage and melancholy inside me which, when mixed with alcohol, would cause me to vomit. Occasionally, a hauntingly sad tune would drift down the hallway, and I would instantly know it was Gerard. Those were the few times that I cried. I hated crying. At least I was alone so no one would be able to see it. Today was one of those days where a melancholy tune would sound from outside my door. He was sitting against my door. My thoughts began to scream. Yet, strangely, instead of staying silent and waiting it out, I swung my legs out if bed and picked up my guitar. He was singing an old song of ours - Demolition Lovers. I began to play along, my fingers finding the right things by themself. I was hardly aware that I was doing it. I heard him gasp from outside and stop singing abruptly. Quietly, I continued the song.

He joined back in hesitantly, his voice filling me with a strange feeling that I couldn't quite identify. It was almost wistful, desperate but soft, tainted by a lifetime of betrayal, sadness and anger. Once the song finished, the silence resumed. It was at that moment that I realised I had been crying. I wiped them away swiftly, sniffling quietly. I heard him begin to get up and go to leave, and before I knew it, I was running towards the doorway. I pulled it open quickly, my thoughts wild and indeciferable. A tangle of voices screamed in my subconscious. I attempted to ignore them. I only had one thing I needed - him. No matter what, it was always him. My lips were against his in seconds. He gasped, pulling away slightly in shock. I looked up at him and those tear-filled hazel eyes. "As much as I hate you sometimes, I am with you to the end of the line, no matter what, you got that?" I blurted out, my tears resumed. He nodded before leaning down to kiss me. I stood on my tiptoes to reach his lips, the kiss lifting me away from my brain and all its toxins. It felt like I was waking up from a trance, like I had risen from the dead. The kiss was innocent but burned with passion.

"Never leave me alone like that again." He whispered breathlessly as he pulled away. "I'm sorry - I promise I won't." I kissed him again, desperate for the feeling of his lips on mine. I pulled him into the room and nudged the door closed, the kiss slowly becoming less innocent. My hands were in his hair, whilst his hands were around my waist, pulling me ever closer to him. As our hips met, he gasped slightly, leaving room for me to slide my tongue in. We fell back onto the bed, the kiss feverish with longing. I climbed on top of him, settling on his hips. Wordlessly, as though it were a silent command, he pulled off his shirt. I quickly followed suit. Quickly, I began trailing kisses down his neck and across his jaw, leaving scarlet marks across his pale skin. I felt his fingers unbuttoning my trousers and sliding them down, allowing his fingertips to glide over my hips and brush delicately under the waistband of my boxers. I looked down into his hazel eyes, pupils blown out with lust. "Are you sure you want this?" He nodded frantically. I pulled down his trousers in a swift motion, my trail of kisses descending lower and lower. I made sure to leave an especially lasting lovebite just above his abdomen. He was practically whining for my touch by now. "Okay, angel," I purred, my breath hot against his neck.

Gerard:

I lay there, my legs intertwined with Frank's, our bodies still warm and sweaty from what we'd just done. I savoured the memory of feeling every part of him and him feeling every part of me. His kiss still left tingles on my lips. The marks he'd left were slightly sore, but the way his touch made me feel made it okay. He made everything okay. I'd missed this. My head was resting on his chest, his heartbeat reverberating in my ears, soothing me. It was strange how a simple touch from him could make or break me - it was probably dangerous. Maybe even too dangerous to be good for me. I didn't care, though. I needed him and he needed me. We had learnt that the hard way. I traced the scars on his arm absentmindedly, their papery roughness stark against the softness of the rest of his skin. I left butterfly kisses down his arm, making sure to get every one of them. Frank giggled, playing with my hair absentmindedly. I was in an almost dreamlike state - the most peaceful I'd been in a long time.

"Frank? Frank!" Brendon's voice echoed down the hallway. He and I let out a simultaneous groan as our happiness was unfortunately interrupted. Although, nothing His head pooped in the doorway, and he had hardly begin to speak when he noticed us lying there together. "Did you two just..." He made a motion with his hands. "Yeah, we fucked. Now tell me what you want and then get out of here." Frank ordered, wrapping his arm around me protectively. I smiled up at him - I loved it when he got all stern like that. "Well, Ray just told me that Pete and Patrick are on their way, so you should probably get ready if you want this whole show to work." He informed us before leaving. Frank looked slightly shocked for a moment, but righted himself quickly and fixed his smile back in place. I hopped out of bed, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You ready, sweetheart?" I chirped, enjoying his gaze on my exposed body. He looked up after a second, remembering that I had asked him a question. "Uh, yeah. Right I'll, uh, go downstairs." I giggled at his reaction before stepping into the bathroom to take a shower. I had to look pretty if I wanted to impress my guests. Finally, I was getting somewhere.

A grin spread on my face. This was going to be fun.