SVU SMUT & PREFERENCES

Nick Amaro/Rafael Barba

all credits to @/spacegeography from archive of our own. this is not my work, the amazing author wrote this.

            Carisi was 100% certain he wasn't supposed to open the door to Barba's office. It would have been better if he had reached that conclusion before opening it, but hindsight was 20/20. When he saw the Carmen had gone home for the night he was about 50% sure, when he noticed that the light coming under the door was dull, as if Barba had turned off the overhead lights and only left on a lamp, he was 60%, and when the door stuck when he pushed it open, he'd gone up to 75%. It was too late by then, though.

            He was also 100% sure that he should turn and leave without a word and pretend it never happened. But shock had him stuck in one spot, mouth open, files clutched tightly in his hand. Because there was a 0% chance he was misinterpreting the scene before him.

            Amaro was sitting on the couch, legs spread and bottom lip between his teeth. He had one hand in Barba's hair, who was kneeling in front of him; his eyes were focused completely on Barba's mouth as he hissed and let out a shaky breath. Carisi couldn't see the details of what Barba was up to, but the movement of his head and upper arms were obvious.

            Common sense told Carisi he'd been yet to be noticed so he could still make a run for it. He could leave the files on Carmen's desk. Hell, he could just bring them tomorrow and pretend he'd never been in the building that night.

            Common sense was not always connected to Carisi's mouth, though.

            "I, uh, I think your lock is broken."

            Amaro and Barba became a blur of hasty movement accentuated by muttered curses. Barba got up and stood behind the conference table next to him, wiping his mouth and keeping his eyes down. Amaro kept his eyes down as well as he zipped his pants and tucked his shirt in forcefully. Carisi averted his eyes too, fiddling with the files. None of them said anything for a bit, and Carisi wondered if he could still run and if he ran if there might be a bus in the street that could hit him.

            "What do you want?" Barba finally snapped. His face was bright red, his hands shaking slightly as he rested them on the table.

            "I, yeah, Sarge sent me over with the last of the paperwork for you. So I just. Have it here." He didn't move.

            "Well, put it on the desk for fuck's sake," Barba said.

            "Yeah, right, okay. So that's done, so I'll just, uh, you know, head out. I mean leave. You two, uh, have fun I guess, okay bye." Carisi finally got his legs to start running. Outside he thought about how likely it was that Amaro would kill him and Barba get the charges dropped. Probably about 60%. Of course, Carisi was 100% on board with that plan.

X

            Carisi did not look at Amaro the next day at work. His plan was to never make eye contact with him or Barba ever again. It worked until 10:30 when Amaro said, "Hey, Carisi, come here for a sec."

            He said it so casually that none of the others even bothered to look up. Carisi got up and followed Amaro into the bunk room. He thought about what his mother would say when she heard about his death. Probably, "He deserved it; I always taught that boy to knock."

            Amaro shut the door and stood with his hands on his hips. "So."

            "I'm sorry. I really am, I swear. I mean I coulda sworn you were still at the station, I didn't –"

            "Carisi. Shut up. Just." Amaro sighed. "You can't tell anyone, alright? And I know how big a mouth you have so I know I'm asking for a miracle here."

            "I won't say a word, I promise. Not to anybody."

            "Yeah? What are to odds you'll actually be able to keep quiet?"

            Honestly, Carisi knew it was about 80% but he said, "Hundred percent, Nick. I don't want you and Barba to kill me."

            Amaro suddenly looked him in the eye. If Carisi had ever committed a crime he would have confessed on the spot. "Good."

            "Good. So, um, sorry again. And I'm sorry if I ruined you guys's night."

            "Jesus fuck, I'm not talking to you about that," Amaro said and left the room.

X

            It had been about two weeks since the incident and Carisi had kept his promise. He was actually pretty proud of himself. Of course, that made him want to tell people that he was doing a good job not telling anybody but that was counterproductive. He did try a few times to talk to Amaro and Barba, separately, about their relationship. He was happy for them, once the nightmarish images of his coworkers going at it stopped haunting him. Both of them consistently told him to shut up, though. Which Carisi thought was a little unfair. It wasn't like he was shouting, "Hey guys, ever finish what you started, if you know what I mean," in the middle of a court room. He wanted to make it up to them; Lord knows he'd been blue balled enough times to know it required more than a stammered apology to make up for it. And besides, having a secret relationship could really take a toll on people (they probably weren't sneaking out of a basement window like he'd had to do at Rachael Pescadaro's house, but still). So Carisi left them each a note with a voucher for a free movie ticket:

Sorry I ruined your date. Enjoy one on me.

            The next Monday, Carisi was typing at his desk and trying not to yawn too obviously. "Good weekend?" Rollins asked as she held out a box of doughnuts.

            "If you call listening to your sisters shit talk each other for hours at a time good, then yeah," Carisi said and shoved as much doughnut in his mouth as he could.

            "What about you, Nick?"

            "Uh, yeah, it was fine. Went to see a movie."

            Carisi nearly choked in his effort to swallow as fast as he could. "Yeah? Was it any good?"

            Amaro glanced at him and then set his eyes back on his computer. But he had a slight smile. "Yeah, it was pretty good."