Peace of Mind

III

[this chapter of my fandicc is dedicated to naya (  invisibilitycake_ ) mostly because i love her but also because daveed is on the cover of said fandicc]

I came home to the smell of something burning... again.  My sister Martha was sitting on the couch, her form blurry from the smoke that my brothers were anxiously trying to fan out of the wide open windows.  

A small smile tugged at my lips, despite the odor and lack of breathable oxygen.  It just wouldn't be a Monday without mom burning something.

"What was it this time?" I asked Martha as I helped Henry and James fan out the living room.  Mary, my youngest sister, sat on a blanket in the middle of the room and tried to imitate her brothers, nearly ending up with her in an absolute face-plant. 

"It was spaghetti this time," Martha sighed exasperatedly, but there was a hint of a smile on her face.  Good.  I didn't want to upset my siblings in the first week of school. 

"Spaghetti, huh?" I shook my head. 

"Yes, spaghetti."

Martha squealed and ran away giggling as I turned around to see my mother with a playful glare on her face. 

"Hey mom..."

She shook her head and stepped forward to hug me.  I wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her shoulder for a second, enjoying the feeling of someone being there to protect me. 

"So what did you do this time?"

Mom laughed as she pulled away from me.  "I don't even know.  Something about the tongs in the noodles and-"

"Tongs in the noodles?"

"Isn't that how you cook spaghetti?"  I couldn't help laughing a little at the genuinely confused look on my mother's face. 

"Generally no, mum, but whatever works for you." I kissed her cheek then flopped down on the couch.  "When's dad getting home?" 

"Probably not until around eight, at the earliest."  My mom sighed.  I could tell she was stressed, but she understood why dad had to work so late.  Mom couldn't work much because of her health, and they had to pay for the five of us somehow.  "I'm gonna go order some pizza.  Are you going to eat dinner with us tonight?"

I shook my head and pretended not to notice the disappointed look on her face. "I'll grab a slice later." I wouldn't.

Since Alex had died, every little aspect about my life had gone downhill- fast.  I was eating less, sleeping less, and schoolwork wasn't even something that crossed my mind.  As my mom walked out of the room, I closed my eyes, my mind going back to the day I'd learned what had happened to Alex.

I'd been home alone.  Mom was picking up Martha, James, and Henry from school, Dad had been at work, and Mary was at daycare.  I remembered because I was never home alone.  When I was younger, if I knew my parents wouldn't be home, I would always go visit Peggy, but when we grew apart, Gil or Herc would come over, and Alex was always at my house.  But he'd said he couldn't make it that day.  He had dinner with the Washingtons- they were like second parents to him after his own had died.  I'd been home alone, just me, my book, and Jacky, the puppy Alex had found and given to me when Mr. Washington wouldn't let him keep it. 

It was weird for Alex to not be around, even if it was just for a day.  I remembered resisting the urge to text him constantly, to see how things were going with the Washingtons.  If they were like second parents to Alex, they were like an extra aunt and uncle to Gilbert, Hercules and I.  Any time the four of us wanted to hang out and get away from our parents, we always went to the Washingtons'.  It was strange for me to not be there with Alex, but Martha had said that she had something important to talk to Alex about.  

I remembered that Alex was supposed to be there at five.  I remember looking at the clock at four forty-five and thinking that Alex was probably already there.  I remembered texting Gilbert and Hercules to see if they wanted to Skype, since they'd already taken off to France.  I remembered calling them on my laptop, talking and laughing.  Those happier moments seemed blurry and faded compared to what came next.  

I remembered being interrupted by my phone ringing.  I didn't recognize the number, so I ignored it.  When they called three more times, I finally hung up on the call with Gil and Hercules.  I remembered it so well I could almost hear my phone ringing still. 

"Jacky! Your phone's been ringing for, like, ten minutes!" 

Whoops.

I opened my eyes and sat up.  James was holding my phone out to me.  "Sorry Jem," I said as I took the phone from him.  He shrugged as I glanced down at the caller ID.  

There was no name anymore, but the number was one I recognized.  I'd memorized this number almost before I'd memorized my mom's number.  Frowning, I swiped to answer the call and walked upstairs to my room.

"Peggy?" I was honestly surprised she still remembered my number- and that she had the same number.  It had been easily three years since the last time either of us had called the other. 

"Thank God, I wasn't sure if you still had the same number!" There was a sigh of relief from the other end of the line.  "How are you doing?"

My brow furrowed as I sat on the edge of my bed.  "How am I doing?" Why was she calling?  What was going on?  Was something wrong?

"That's what I asked, yeah," she replied.  "Are you all right?"

"I- I'm fine..." I was still super confused.  "What's going on, Margarita?"

"John, babe, you haven't called me that since, like, third grade.  I'm Peggy.  And nothing much, I was just bored."

"Just bored?" My brain seemed incapable of working properly.  "And you called me?"

"Is it a bad time? Oh, you're probably eating dinner, aren't you?"

"No, no, it's okay, it's just... we haven't really talked in... years."

There was a beat of silence from the other end, then:

"I'm sorry."

I frowned. "What?"

"C'mon, Jacky, don't make me say it again.  I'm sorry, okay?"

I flopped back into the pile of blankets on my bed.  "Why are you sorry?"

"For not talking to you for so long.  I'm really sorry."

I shrugged before realizing she couldn't see me.  "It's okay, Pegs.  It's a two-way street." 

Even though she didn't say anything, I knew she was smiling.  

"Now, the Peggy I know wouldn't just call for no reason.  So what's up?"

She laughed.  "You're right.  I was wondering if maybe you wanted to have a sleepover?  Like old times."

"School night," I replied immediately.  "Plus, dad would never let me stay the night at a girl's house, no matter who that girl is interested in."

She sighed.  "I knew you'd say that..."

"I feel like there's a continuation to that sentence, and that I might not like it."

"You're coming over for dinner-"

"I am?"

"-and then I'm invading your house for the night."

"You are?"

"Yep.  Now open the damn window."

"What?"

"The window." And she hung up. 

I stared at my phone for a second, then looked at my window. 

Damn that fire escape. 

Peggy was standing on the ladder that led out of my window into the backyard and grinning at me.  I rolled my eyes but smiled, the first genuine smile I'd had in a while. 

"Come on, turtle boy. It's nearly dinner time and mom and dad don't know I'm not home."

I sighed.  "I'm coming, dork."  And I climbed out, still smiling.