Riley's Dreams

The Push West

                        GREAT GRANDPA RILEY

My days as a soldier ended on July of 1865 as my unit was mustered out and we were allowed to return home to resume our lives. But for me things would never return back to normal. My beloved Josephine had married another and I had lost all contact on the day I received her letter some 3 years back.

Having no time to fall into depression my unit went on to other battles. Less prominent than the Battle of Shiloh but equally dangerous on a personal level. I threw myself in somewhat careless abandon into the battlefield. It was foolhardy and dangerous I admit. Somehow I managed to not get killed. And whilst my reasons for joining were now outdated and long forgotten I had no reason or purpose to my life once the victory over the South was complete. My fellow soldiers often had wives, sweethearts and children to go home to but I had none. My childhood home was in Ireland and they had great problems of their own. No for better or worse America was the place to be.

I resolved to return to the farming community in Ohio to see my former employer and see what had become of my friends. I rode in on the horse the Army had given me as my unit was disbanded.

I found Jonathan Lemons still living at the ranch but nothing else was the same. He'd sold off parcels of his land and kept only the main house and the 5 acres surrounding it. His once prosperous ranch was no more. Many of my coworkers never returned after the war. I suspect  they must have died.

Jonathan cooked a meal and we sat down to enjoy the sight of the setting sun from the table near his front porch.

"I'm afraid things will never be the same. The town is dying. My own ranch is proof of that. Do you intend to stay in this area Riley?"he asked.

"I honestly didn't know where to go. The Army was my home for the longest time and now I'm a little lost. I had hoped to come back for Josephine after the war but that's not to be."

"Josephine. Yes I heard she'd married Jeremiah but then he too joined up and was killed in Atlanta a few months ago. She's a widow now. Have you seen her yet?"

"No. This is all news to me. I couldn't  bring myself to contact her once I'd heard she married Jeremiah. It just wasn't proper. I didn't know Jeremiah died but that doesn't change the fact that she couldn't stay faithful to me. I could never trust her again."

"Don't be so harsh Riley. It's a lot to ask a young woman to wait for years. A lot of things change in war she was very young. Perhaps you can forgive her?"

"I've gone through a great deal already. I know it seems harsh but I can't just forget the past. Her letter hurt me worse than any wound I suffered during the war."

"Well I can tell your minds made up. Personally I've learned life is too short to hold on to your hate."

"It's not hate. And I'm not angry either. I've drained myself of all those feelings years ago. I just want a simple life with someone I can count on. Is that really too much to ask for? I just need some peace and quiet. But first I could use a steady job."

"Don't we all. I'm afraid I don't have a job to offer you anymore. I'm barely able to afford keeping food on my own table."

"That's OK Mr Lemon. I should've known better than to ask. Besides I've been hearing rumors that there's work on the railroad going west. I've seen posters advertising it. I might try to get on with them. I just came back to say my goodbyes. I don't reckon I'll be back this way again."

I shook my old bosses hand for the last time. He looked like he had aged 20 years in the space of 4 but then when I looked in the mirror I realized that I also had turned into an old man prematurely.

I went into town to walk about before I left. I secured a room for the night and walked into the General mercantile store to get some supplies for myself when I saw a familiar face.

Josephine was slowly walking about picking through a drawer for colored threads and buttons. Her hair was neatly combed back and still golden with just a few streaks of gray strands visible along her temples.

I continued to collect what I needed. Piling them onto the counter as the proprietor began adding up my bill. I could see her through the corner of my eye but decided it would be awkward as she was still dressed in black mourning the loss of her husband Jeremiah.

"Well Mr Breen I guess the total comes to $13.27 is there anything else you'll be needing?" He asked.

At the mention of my name I could see Josephine turn in surprise and for a second our eyes met. But I quickly returned my attention to the business at hand and proceeded to pay the store clerk as he was waiting patiently and giving me his full attention.

By the time he had my purchases bundled into a sack I heard the small bell by the front door ring and could see Josephine leaving quietly into the night.

I knew I'd probably never saw her again. I tried not to dwell on why she left so abruptly but I figured it was for the best. I didn't know what I would've said and might have regretted it if I'd said anything at all.

In my room I rummaged through my paperwork until I found the paper with Mary Cassidy's address. I found a sheet of paper and a borrowed a quill from the front desk. I began a correspondence that I had  been thinking of starting for a very long time.

I struggled to write a proper letter as writing was always difficult for me. My literary skills were atrocious to say the least. But once it was done I sealed it and set it aside. Ready to mail off the next day.

With the letter done I felt a peace come upon me.

The doctors had given me a good supply of Opium pills to assist in controlling the pain I experienced from my wounds. It sometimes helped me to sleep. But tonight I chose not to take them as I wanted to think clearly and sleep without the strange dreams I'd been having lately. Tomorrow my life would start anew. I needed to join the Central Pacific Railroad Company and it would take a journey to California.