Antipodes

Two

"Just tell me that you'll be in time for dinner?", she asked. She hated being alone in this huge house. It made her feel too small, even after spending half her summer holidays here.

"Yes, don't worry mom, you won't have dinner all by yourself. I promise you", answered her daughter.

"Okay then, be careful and don't pack the whole house in your suitcase."

"But mom, I need clothes!", she whined.

At that moment the door bell rang.

"Someone's at the door, see you later honey. I love you."

"Love you too, mom. Bye !"

When she opened the door, she came face to face with a tall young man. His features looked familiar to her but she couldn't tell when or where she saw him. He had dark brown hair and grey-green eyes. He was looking at her smiling. She didn't know why but she smiled back at him and felt like she was bonded to him in some way. She just couldn't believe her eyes.

"Ryan?", she looked at him confused with tears starting to blur her eyes.

Ryan was her step son but she loved him like he was her own flesh and blood. She raised him since he was six years old when his mother passed away. He was sent to Afghanistan three years ago and she hasn't seen him since apart from Skype and pictures he sent from time to time. He looked so much different than when he left. Like something died within him.

"Is that really you? Oh my God, I can't believe you're here !" she exclaimed.

She hugged and kissed him then looked at him again and hugged him tightly.

"Kath, I can't breathe", he said desperately.

 "I'm sorry, I missed you so much. We all missed you so much here", she said hugging him again. "Come in, I'll get you a drink, you must be tired. Look at your face !" she added.

"I'm just a bit tired, I feel like I took a hundred trains this past two months", he said.

"Trains?", she asked closing the door behind her.

"It's a long story !" he replied. "But guess I'll have enough time to tell it now", he added smiling with his perfect crooked smile.

"I can't wait for it! Your sister is on her way, do you want me to tell her to hurry up?"

"I'm not going anywhere this time unless you push me to", he replied kissing her on the cheek.

So she went to the kitchen and invited him to wait for her in the garden. He was so pleased to see that nothing changed in this house, he liked how some things never change. It made him feel safe like he still had some sort of anchor wherever he went. It was the house he spent all his summers as far as he could remember. Perfectly situated in the Hamptons Bay. The garden was surrounded by apple and lemon trees. And the pool was going to be of some use for the coming hot summer days.

He suddenly felt dizzy and he smelt the panic attack crawling under his skin and encroach every cell of his body. His heart started racing and his hands shaking. He placed his hands on his laps and curled them into fists of pain and anger.

"It's just the fatigue. I just need to sleep", he told himself. "I'm okay, it will pass".

 He tried to take back control on his breathing again. Inhaling, exhaling, counting to three between every breath. And that's when his step mother came back with a tray full of biscuits and iced tea. She put it on the table. And looked at him.

"Are you okay?", she asked him suddenly worried.

He managed to say an inaudible "Yes". He hated that feeling, he hated when it took him by surprise when people were around. It made him feel weak and some kind of exposed. He wanted to rip his heart out from his rib cage. Kathryn sat in the little chair on his left and put her hand on his hand which startled him like a loud noise suddenly breaking a long silence. She didn't say anything but she looked worried.

"I'm okay, Kath. Don't worry please", he replied trying to reassure her.

She knew that when he was in that state of mind, nothing would stress him more than someone asking him how he was. She couldn't help him this way. So she just sat in her orange summer dress, looking at him with her ice blue eyes like he was the most  precious thing on the planet. Just so he feels her presence, that she was there for him. After a moment, she felt his cold hands and muscles relaxing beneath her pale hands. But still said nothing until he broke the silence.

"So, trains", he said clapping his hands.

She smiled at him, happy to have him back again. He told her all about the last couple of months he spent travelling all around the US from West Coast to East Coast only by train. It was a little dream he secretly had since he was little. Travelling across the country discovering unknown countries along with himself.  Except from Alaska and Hawaii, he put foot on every single state. He could have asked to come home straight to New York, his intendant in the army said that he could. But he refused every time and said he wasn't ready yet. And so he went to San Diego instead where he spent 3 months in recovery at the military hospital. He had to speak to therapists about his "experience" before getting the authorisation to leave.

Between the trains and the hospital, they changed their drink from ice tea to wine.

"Much needed", commented Ryan when she opened the bottle with a little clac. Kathryn listened to him carefully while sipping on her cup of white. He looked good after all, she said to herself. She felt so overwhelmed and couldn't stop smiling at him.

Suddenly, they heard the front door close.

"Mom, I'm here!"