Antipodes

Sixteen

He was tapping on his knees with his fingertips, gesticulating in his seat, sighing every 5 minutes. He got up from time to time and crossed the room in all directions, going and coming. A young woman looked at him curiously behind her newspaper and through her round glasses. From her armchair, she took his hand and pulled him towards the empty armchair next to her and made him sit down. He finally sat down.

"Stop stressing out !", she whispered.

"I can't, I feel like my head is going to explode any second now", he whispered back to her.

"Ryan, calm down, everything's gonna be okay", she said taking his hands.

"Thank you for coming with me, I would never have made it alone".

"Relax, it's not as if it was the first time ".

"It is the first time I really intend to speak", he wanted to say but he abstained from it. "I'm going to smoke a cigarette, I'll be right back", he said getting up.

"You're not going to duck out of it, right?", she asked him raising an eyebrow.

"No, promise".

"Okay, I'll go with you then, you stressed me out". She got up and put a cigarette between her lips.

He shook his head and smiled as admitting to her that he actually considered to duck out of it. He followed her to the front door of the building. They sat on the stairs, side by side, smoking their cigarettes.

"What made you change your mind?", she asked.

"About what?"

"Therapy", she replied looking at him.

"I was never against it, I just hate psychiatrists. They're boring".

"You never really told me why you left". 

"You never really asked", he retorted.

"I'm asking you then".

"Sunshine, do I really have to answer this question twice today?

"Yeah, I want to know", she insisted.

"I don't really know", he started. "I guess I just wanted to die for something".

"You could have jumped from a building, you would have felt the same", she proposed.

"No I mean, I wanted to die for something that was worth it. Like... I wanted to feel useful".

"You could have worked at a charity then. You could have died living your life. Do you think your life is worthless or what?"

"You're starting to freak me out talking like that, seriously".

"I'm just trying to understand why someone who had the perfect life decided to throw it all away and go die for his country, it's not like we were at war or something".

"Perfect life? Where did you get that from? My life was... is far from being perfect. Trust me".

"I needed you..."

"Rox...", he started.

"What? You could have stayed with me, for me. And instead you just left me here, with them, with him !", tears started rolling down her face.

"Rox, don't cry", he begged her.

"I'm not crying", she said wiping the tears with the back of her hand and smiling at him. "Come, it's almost you turn".

He looked at his watch and followed her. He felt bad. She was right, he did let her down. They went back to their seats and five minutes later, an assistant came and called him.