Antipodes

Seven

He kind of got used to go to the beach, he never felt as peaceful as when he was facing the ocean. But still, something was bugging him and he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because Zoe left without even saying goodbye. It did him good to see her, he always felt like himself when he was with her. But this time, he felt like she was a bit changed too. Time changes everything they say, especially people. His sister came running towards him and threw away the book he was holding in his hand. She looked so happy and excited and he didn't know why. 

"So are you like together now?", she asked him.

"What are you talking about?", he asked her looking at her with that cold look that was his.

"The way you look at her, I never saw you like that..."

"Rox, please. It's none of your business", he responded dryly. His reply surprised her.

"Do you love her?", she continued.

"To death".

"Then what's wrong?", she exclaimed. 

"It's complicated, Sunshine", he said crushing his cigarette butt on the sand. 

"Is it another one of your 'I can't talk about this right now' stories?", she asked making air quotation marks with her fingers.

"Kind of".

"How do you even do that?", she said suddenly irritated and struggling with the fresh sand to get up and failing.

"I really don't know. I'm sorry. Sit down Roxy", he said. "Please, I'm sorry", he repeated.

She sat down and he pulled her closer. He whispered another "sorry" in her left ear and kissed her on her forehead. She smiled then started crying.

"Oh God, no !", he shouted. "What for this time?"

"I miss you", she managed to say between two sobs.

"I'm right here", he tried to calm her down but failed.

"I miss the old you", she added. "I miss my brother. The calm one, the sweet gentle one. I miss the Ryan who used to smile everytime and made jokes about everything."

"I'm sorry", he said again.

"Stop saying you're sorry and fucking do something about it. You are not dead, Ryan ! Not yet but you're acting like you were".

"You're right", he said. "I'm not dead but I kind of wish I was", he added. She looked at him with her blue eyes wide and full of tears. He wish he could take that back.

He got up and left her there, on the beach, freezing, alone. He went straight to his room, packing his things up. His books first -he always had at least three or four books with him- then his laptop and clothes. He wasn't planning on staying that long anyway. He made the exact mistake he was planning on avoiding: he was different and everyone could see it now.

"He needs to talk to someone", she said.

"Just leave him alone", said her husband taking off his reading glasses and folding his newspaper. "I'm sure he's okay".

"Do you ever worry about him?", she asked him. He gently kissed her hand.

"You worry too much about him. He's a man, he has to deal with it alone".

"He's your son. And we are his family, do you really think he can deal with such a thing alone?"

"Then you know him and you know how he hates when you worry too much about him".

"Very well, I'll talk to him myself".

At this very moment, Ryan stormed down the stairs to the living room. They both looked at him curiously. He seemed upset and he was all packed, going somewhere.

"Where do you think you're going?", asked Katheryn.

"Home", he said pushing his phone deep in the left pocket of his black jeans.

"But you are home !", she exclaimed.

"This is your home", he replied. "Not mine. Not at all". He didn't notice but it sounded more like an insult to her. He hurt her.

"What's wrong with you? Are you out of your mind?", asked his father in disbelief. "After everything she did for you, that's how you thank her?"

"I'm sorry, Kath". He went and hugged her.

His father said nothing. He just kept looking at him and Ryan could actually feel his eyes on him while he was walking toward the door.

"What exactly is your problem?", asked his father.

"Well, where do I begin?", he asked sarcastically opening the door and stepping out.

Katheryn ran after him trying to hold him back as tears ran across her face. 

"Please stay!", she begged him. "We'll get you some help". He didn't know what to say, this sounded like an insult to him.

"I know", he said. "But trust me, I need to do this on my own. Tell Roxy that I'm sorry, again. Tell her I love her and that if she changed her mind my proposition stands".

"Leave him", said his father calmly. "Let him go".

Ryan looked at him not knowing how he should react and what he should say. They all looked at his father now.

"Do you need a ride?", asked his father trying to save whatever was left to save from the conversation.

"No thanks, I'll just take the shuffle to the city", he said walking away.