shut up

_1

- April -

Just a typical, typical Sunday morning. As usual, I took my own sweet time sipping that steaming cup of chamomile tea. So I was late to bible study, as usual. I set my bag down next to the usual people, Erika, Charli and the rest of the "clique". We had our morning prayer session with the students from the opposite class, Hope. The usual girls that I never knew the names of, and the boys I don't really talk to. They seem cool though, and I do know their names. Zach, Ryan, Jace and Kai. How could I forget, anyway? Charli talks (flirts) with them all the time. I duck my head down and continue one of my arbitrary "writing projects". Well, I say they're writing projects, but honestly, I don't actually know what I'm writing myself.

I was just nodding off when a sharp voice jerked me awake.

"April."

I woke up with a start, turning around

Kai? What does he want?

As far as I recall, he's the boy I'm the closest to in the group of "boys I don't really talk to". And by closest, I don't even mean that close.

I remember that day we actually talked alone for the first time. Just the two of us. It was at the annual carnival in late August. I remember how cold it was. I wore three layers that day, and the leaves were just turning shades of gold. Charli and Erika had gone off to buy drinks and food, so I waited for them in the shade of the trees. Just as my tummy rumbled angrily, Kai casually walked over with a whole fun-sized bowl of nachos, dripping with hot cheesy sauce. I started to drool. It was like... a message from God. Instinctively, I reached over to take one, but he pulled it away.

"Aah... just one... I swear I'll pay you back!"

He grinned cheekily. "How're you gonna pay me back, hmm?"

"Money? Hold on, I have a couple of cents somewhe-"

"Nope, no need. You can pay me back another time! Just remember, you owe me."

He winked at me playfully. My heart seemed to skip a beat. Ughh, why does he do that? In compensation for the wink, I plunged my hand into the bowl and stuffed a handful of chips into my hungry mouth. A couple of crumbs fell onto my scarf. I sighed happily. Gooey, cheesy goodness...

"Yah, look, you've got crumbs down your front." He lightly dusts the crumbs off. I clench my fists to keep myself from blushing. I mean, I don't blame him, he's a guy, and they don't care about girls' feelings. He probably will never know the rollercoaster of emotions I'M feeling at that moment.

We talk for a while more. Books, movies, literature. He's a lot smarter than I expected he was. I'm getting used to this erudite version of Kai.

Jace strolls over from the distance.

"Hey, Kai! We're getting shakes!" Kai nods, looks back at me once more and grins. Then he walks off. I savour the leftover nacho crumbs on my palms, but I have Kai stuck in my head. As much as I thought I like him, I was young, dumb, foolish. All the adjectives with a bad meaning. I can't like someone based on that, right? Besides, I'm a whole different league from him. As for Charli, with her smile and charm, who can resist?

Anyways, after that smile he gave me under the cypress tree, we pretty much ignored each other's existence. All those times passing by in the hallways, I looked up at him, maybe a small wave of the hand or a whispered "hello", but he would just glance at me and turn his gaze back to the distance. It hurt my feelings a bit, but I chose to distance myself. We're strangers, nothing more.

At least I thought we were. Now here he is, in the middle of Bible Study, calling out my name for no reason? I'm angry. No, I'm furious. Who is he to break contact with me for months and call out to me without any notice?

"So what? I'm tired, alright?"

His gaze softens a bit.

"If you're tired, sit here. You can lie on my desk or something."

I recoil slightly. What is he even trying to do? Quiet whispering is coming from the corners of the classroom, like it's closing in on the both of us. I feel claustrophobic.

"I'm fine, thanks! Leave me alone!" I snap. His jaw tightens. That soft look in his eyes is gone now. For a moment, I feel almost... afraid. I've never seen him so violent like this. The Kai I know (or maybe not) is the perfect guy, flirty, surrounded by girls, like every popular guy there is, of course.

"You don't realize it. You've never noticed at all." His hazel eyes were filled with quiet frustration.

The whole class was holding its breath. And I, too, couldn't breathe.

"Wha-what? Kai, I don't-" I whispered. In a situation like this, the last thing I want is to upset him.

He set his jaw.

"I like you, April! Do you get it now?!"

No, I don't get it. My brain can't seem to fully process this. His words knocked the air out of my lungs, like the gusts of wind that day back in late August. There might as well have been a spotlight shining down on the both of us. April Sofia Vasquez, starring role. Kai Dubois, male lead actor.

Am I supposed to say something? He's still staring fixedly at me, expecting some sort of answer.