Wanting Forever

Part 13

       

Sleep wasn't coming easily. Trace lay on his back staring up at the bland ceiling. There was nothing above his head to count, and visualizing sheep never did it for him. He knew what he wanted, but Effone had been wisely resistant—at least after the first night, when she'd given him the drunken proposition. Since then the timing hadn't worked out, even though she was just fifty feet away.

He didn't move at the first knock. He wasn't even sure if he'd heard a knock, it had been so tentative.

But, there it was again.

He opened the door to see Effone standing in the hallway. Her tank slipped off one shoulder and the shorts revealed more of the long, shapely legs he'd been dreaming about for the last several nights.

"Eff?" He rubbed his face. "Everything okay?"

She was keeping her expression carefully blank, but he could see the conflict in her eyes. "Yeah. I can't sleep."

Trace stepped back from the door. "Do you want to come in?"

Neither one of them had crossed the threshold of the other's room yet. One of their unspoken boundaries.

"I shouldn't. This isn't the right thing to do."

"What isn't?"

She tilted her head and gave him the Don't be daft look he'd come to know so well.

"I'm stronger than I look, Eff. If you don't want it to happen, it won't."

She considered that a moment, and then stepped through the doorway. "I need to sleep and I can't sleep. I haven't been this nervous about a test in a long time." She sat on the end of his bed...and quickly bounced up again, as if she'd sat on something hot. "It's been twelve years since I took an exam that I really wanted to ace."

Trace moved into the spot she'd vacated on the bed, all the while trying not to overanalyze what she'd said. "You, I have no doubt, will be fine."

"I feel like a fraud."

The words seemed like they weren't part of the current conversation. He'd noticed her ability to have several conversations at once, even if some of them were purely in her own brain. He asked, "How are you a fraud?"

"I project this exterior of tough, confident woman." She moved to the window and looked out, then released a low and almost manic laugh. "If only you could see what's really going on in my head."

"Aren't we all like that to some degree?" He noticed her rubbing her hands up and down her bare arms as if she were cold. It was something that he had a feeling he'd never see her do in front of someone she didn't trust because it showed that she had doubts—about everything—but especially herself. She'd not shown anything but self-assured confidence in almost two weeks of training with a room full of men. Trace moved to stand behind her at the window, and then settled his hands on her soft shoulders. Her skin felt like silk under his fingers.

"Most days I just want someone to hold me tight and whisper that everything will be all right, Trace." She twisted to look at him. "I bet you don't feel that way." The worried look in her eyes begged for reassurance.

"You'd be surprised. I have plenty of days when all I want to do is hide under the bed. Or at least under the covers."

She slid one hand that had been crossed on her chest to his hand on her shoulder. "What are we going to do?"

The whisper barely made it to his ears. "We'll figure it out. I'm sure there's a way we can get vacation time together. Or maybe we can meet during assignments." Under his fingers he could feel her shoulders trembling. "Look, we both need our sleep." Trace released her and moved to his bed, pulling the covers back. "Stay with me tonight." It didn't escape him how much pleading there was in his voice.

"Are we going to sleep?" Effone asked, one fingernail pinned between her teeth.

"Yes. Sleep. Maybe some cuddling, plenty of holding. Whatever you want."

She quirked one eyebrow up into an elegant arch. "Did you just lose a man card for suggesting we 'cuddle'?"

He was perfectly willing to lose a "man card" or anything else just to be close to her. "I don't think you're going to tell anyone."

First one, then the other shoe was kicked off and under the desk. She said, "You're right. I won't tell." She slid under the covers.

Trace lost no time climbing in after her. He pulled the sheets and blankets over the both of them, and then he slipped an arm around her waist. He wanted to touch much, much more.

"Is this okay?" he asked after he'd moved close enough that he could feel her soft and warm body against his.

"Yeah. It is." The tones of stress had already started to leave her voice. "What the hell was I thinking, avoiding this for so long?"

Trace drew a hand over her head, down one arm and then settled just under her ribcage. "Sometimes a slow burn is best."

"But I've missed so much that way. I just...I want you..."

The words trailed off and her breathing slowed, she'd fallen asleep so fast that for a moment he thought she faked it. If she was faking it was the best fake sleep job he'd ever seen. Her body relaxed—almost melted—against his, her head sliding off her pillow and into his shoulder, making her hair tickle his chin. He smoothed it down. It felt so right and comforting to have her there with him, even though his chest constricted with a feeling he hadn't entertained in years.

    "Eff, I want you, too." Trace left a gentle kiss on her temple. "I'll figure this out. Just...trust me."