Wanting Forever

Part 14

       

"Captain Pacifica, I have an urgent message for you."

Effone turned to look at the young airman standing behind her chair. Urgent message could mean anything from delivery of a delayed paycheck to her ship was on fire. She hoped the ship wasn't on fire. She took the sealed message. "Thank you."

She ripped the security seal—that alone set her teeth on edge. Urgent messages delivered with security seals and "Eyes Only" designations were never good.

"'Notice of immediate departure: Chronocon,'" was as far as she got before her hand started to shake. Immediate departure always meant same day. Sometimes within a couple of hours.

There were two problems. One, she was leaving. Today. Two, Trace was in the simulator completing his solo testing. Effone glanced at her watch and her heart squeezed at the same time as it started beating faster. She took a few breaths before she gathered her items, packed them away and exited the meeting room to immediately get on her comm.

"Where is Admiral Kaine?" she asked of the assistant answering the call.

"He is administering an exam. Would you like to leave a message?"

For a moment, Effone held the device in front of her face. Admiral Kaine was probably administering that exam to Trace right now. She shook her head, disconnected the call with the mildly annoyed looking assistant and then headed to her room where she blindly packed. When she was done she sat to read the remainder of the message.

Top security clearance is required of all reading this message. The Chronocon is due immediately in the Exeter Landmass. Gag order is imposed. Comm blackout will be in effect. Departure from mooring scheduled for 18:00.

She thumbed through the twelve update messages that had arrived from Anda. Mostly they asked when Effone would arrive and informed her of the ship's readiness progress. Effone again glanced at her watch. She had five hours.

Before leaving her room, she found a notepad and carefully considered what she could say to Trace, what she wanted to say.

She left it simple: "I'm leaving. 18:00. Mooring 42."

If nothing else, this reminded her that what she wanted wasn't important. Her duty to her ship, her crew, the company...that was what mattered. A relationship was just a blip on the radar.

When she'd awakened that morning in Trace's arms, she had re-evaluated her life. Her head was nestled into his shoulder, her leg twined with his while the other aligned down his body. She was so warm, and for the first time in years she had slept through the night. If her alarm hadn't gone off moments after waking, she would've stayed cuddled up to him with his arms securely around her. But she'd had to scramble out to get dressed and down to the exam room. In those moments right after waking, when she'd been so warm and happy, she'd forgotten that her wants were second.

Now, Effone hurried along the busy streets, heading for the simulator complex three blocks away. If Admiral Kaine wasn't at the hotel watching over the written exams, he had to be at the simulators. Effone hadn't thought to ask and whether the admiral's assistant would have told her was questionable. For security reasons his schedule was usually kept quiet.

Effone looked up just before she opened the door to the simulator building. The day had turned dark, and not just because her heart was breaking. Dark clouds gathered in the sky, and threatened to release a colossal downpour.

She remembered her short timeline, and hurried through the building with purpose, stopping to speak to no one.

"Admiral Kaine," she said quietly from the control room doorway.

He turned abruptly, nodded to the administrator next to him and came to stand next to Effone in the hallway.

"Sir, I..." She was at a loss. Asking why she was being sent wasn't professional. She knew the terms of the contract with ASPECT. She signed it every year. "Will I be able to finish the testing?"

"Effone, I know it's sudden, but the Chronocon is the best equipped to go."

She swallowed a shaky breath. "It's fine. I want to make sure I'm still eligible for co-ops in the future."

"Of course. I can tell you that you and Fortis had the highest scores in the team simulator. The two of you were far and away the best. I haven't seen any of your other results, but I'm sure there is no issue."

"I..." Effone choked down the lump in her throat. "I should go. We only have a few hours."

In the older man's eyes was an unmistakable look of regret and apology. "Of course. Good flight, Captain."

The rain started within steps of her exiting the building, but Effone didn't care. With any luck it would cool her heated face and, for a while, hide her tears.

She knew this was coming, the point at which they'd have to go their separate ways.

That morning she'd promised him another night, but with less sleeping and more mutual physicality.

"What does that even mean?" she muttered, standing on a corner waiting for a train to pass. And, did it matter what it meant? Trace knew what she was saying. It wasn't important to come up with a new euphemism for sex.

She quickly made her way through the shared ASPECT and SCION terminal, her head down until she made her way through the crowded building, avoidance of interaction her main goal. Once through and out onto the ASPECT side she lifted her face to the sky, letting the drops hit her. Her usual coping mechanisms weren't working, and she knew she had to get control of herself before she made it to the ship. She counted her steps, yelling out the numbers in her mind, trying to shout down the disappointment.

The rain fell harder. It poured from the sky as if a dam were breaking. Water squished in her boots and her clothes clung even more tightly than they were designed for. The knit material was suctioned to her skin. She'd have to peel it off when she had the opportunity to change.

"Effie!"

The excited shout came from the end of the dockway. Just inside and out of the rain stood Anda, a huge grin lighting her patrician features. For the first time since entering the complex, Effone lifted her head instead of trying to peer out from under her hair. Even from a distance she could see the grin slide right off of Anda's face.

"What's wrong?"

Effone stepped into the shelter out of the rain and for the first time realized how the cold had seeped into her bones. "Nothing."

"Bullshit. There's something very wrong."

"Look, we should talk later. We have to get the pre-flights done." Snapping fully into Captain mode eased the weight from her chest, at least a little.

They climbed the metal grating up into the ship together and as they passed a stock cart, Anda grabbed a blanket and folded it around Effone. "You look bad. Are you sick? If you are then you shouldn't be out in the rain."

"No. Not sick." Effone again counted to five, and then ten. "I can't do this right now. I need to focus on business, not..." Not the man she'd just walked away from.

"Okay. We'll focus on business." Anda pushed the hair back off of Effone's face. "You should go change and take a few minutes to warm up. I can feel you shaking though the blanket."

Effone nodded. "I'll be on the bridge in five."

Moments later, she slipped into her small cabin and stripped to nothing. The rain had soaked through her layers; the clothes did nothing but make her more cold.

It only took moments for her to finish changing, moments that she spent keeping her mind blank. She was the captain of her ship and she couldn't let something like a...a fling...shake her focus. That's all it was.

That's all it ever could have been.

It was her mistake to think it could have been more.