Weightless

Buddies

She knows a LOT about anorexia. Apparently Carrie had it back when she was 12. She knows a lot about estimating calories, but meanspo, thinspo and sweetspo is totally new to her. I pack up. Ready for school. Backpack on my back, it's rough edges digging into my collarbones. Flute in hand. Thermos full of coffee in the other. I get halfway to the bus stop when I collapse and almost burst into tears. It's Saturday. Damn. I trudge home when I realize my dads are coming home today. That's pretty good. Sad thing is, I can't purge when they're home.

I toss everything aside, and lay down. Turning the television on, I rub my head. Should I sleep? No. Instead I decide to call Carrie.

210-748-1938 ((NOT A REAL NUMERO))

I slowly press the buttons and yawn. She answers.
"Why don't you text?" The sheer idea that I was incapable of producing that inside my head makes blood rush into my cheeks, known to some as blushing or flushing red. Honestly, blush is makeup to me, and flushing red is when you flush dirty tampons down the toilet because the damn box won't open or it's fucking overflowing from woman blood. I quickly hang up. I decide to text her instead, so that it doesn't seem I'm some shy brat. I'm honestly mistaken as shy so many times that it's infuriating. I'm just done with everyone's bullshit to the point where I don't bother talking to them. I may sound really inflated with that but honestly either I'm just super stupid or everyone I've ever met, aside from Melanie and my math teacher intern, is super stupid. I'm confused constantly with this idea, but unlike other questions, I don't seek an answer to this one. It really doesn't matter to me. Whichever one, it means I am basically an outsider. Like I have said multiple times, it means literally nothing to me.

Sometimes I wonder if life is a video game and all our memories are computer generated.

And then I sleep.

Slumber.

Dreams circle me like whirlpools of my mind. I constantly question reality. Sometimes I wonder when I'll wake up as some gorgon in their version of a hospital bed, in a coma. The idea of existentialism scares me, and I wake up with goosebumps. Yawning, I sit up. So bored. Homework done, obviously. That's when Melanie calls.

"Hey." I frown. Why is she calling? Did I miss any homework?! Emotions start swirling inside of me, missing homework is an absolute blemish on my grade point average.
"Melanie?!"
"Y-yeah...," She sounds uncomfortable. "Um...would you actually...like to hang out with me..."
I flush red. For the first time in my life I have been invited to something even somewhat significant but I'm busy.
"Melanie, I'm so sorry, how about tomorrow?"
"O-okay...sorry..."
"I-it's fine..." Even I start to stumble, I'm at a loss for words. She is so soft spoken, even when I'm so nice to her, I feel like I'm being impolite. That's when the doorbell rings.

yeet

My dads are home :)

((Sorry this was so short!! Got a lot of stuff happening at school. Will have another full chapter out by Sunday!!))