The Other One {Harry Styles AU}

13. Then

There were times when I was afraid of Matty, as we both were afraid of our father. He didn't seem to know how to handle his anger, except by hurting. Hurting me, hurting himself.

The year before he hung himself from that fucking tree, I became convinced I was in love with his friend Derek, who was the cutest boy I had ever seen. He lived up the hill from us in Altadena, and he was always in our house. He had the bluest eyes and the tannest skin, and I imagined kissing him far too often. I used to kiss my pillow and pretend it was him. Pretend.

That summer day, my mother was at work, and we were home alone. The three of us. Derek and I were teasing Matty, ganging up on him. He was so frustrated, his face was so red. He just wanted to go skate and leave me behind. But Derek wanted to spend time with me, and I felt so special. I was special because a cute boy wanted to be with me more than ride a skateboard.

Derek convinced him that they were going, that he would be right there. And when Matty went out the kitchen door to get his board, Derek locked him out. Matty ran to the sliding glass doors that led to the family and living rooms, but Derek beat him to it. I laughed. I loved the fact that I was in, and he was out, and the cute boy wanted me.

"Show me yours, and I'll show you mine," Derek said in a low voice, his eyes steady on my face. I didn't know exactly what that meant.

"Kiss me," I said quietly, desperately. I knew I needed more.

"First, show me yours." What is mine?

I raised my shirt and showed him my barely growing breasts. My brother pounded on the glass door, shouting. I forgot he was there. I forgot he could see. I covered myself, turning away from the window, burning red.

"Show me down there."

Matty pounded and shouted.

"No," I said.

Pound. Shout.

"If I kiss you, will you show me?"

Shout. Pound.

"Okay." I didn't know if I would go through with it. But I didn't care. I just wanted this boy's lips on mine. He came closer, putting his hands on either side of my face.

Crack. Crack. Shatter. The wall-sized window collapsed around my brother's fist. And so did Derek's face.