Soul Chains

Chapter 23: Cleaning Salt From Wounds

I jolt awake from another dream back at the hotel and drag a hand across my face, breathing heavily as my eyes scan the dark room in front of me. A flash of lightning goes off and I spot Nathan sitting up in his bed across from me with his head in his hands. I frown and take a deep breath, sliding out of bed and making my way over to him. I gently place a hand on his shoulder and he looks up at me, his eyes unreadable.

"What do you want?" he growls.

"Why are you so mad at me?" I ask.

"It's not..." Nathan trails off, "you wouldn't get it."

"Try me," I say, sitting down next to him.

"Look, man, I loved Melantha," Nathan sighs, "I loved her. And now she's gone."

"Yeah?" I furrow my eyebrows, "we both--"

"No," Nathan shakes his head and laughs dryly, "no, Gabriel. I meant I was in love with her. But I had to stay there on the sidelines the entire time as her best friend to fall back on. She never even noticed and I never had the courage to tell her, not even as she was dying. Isn't that pathetic?"

"How does this involve me?" I frown.

"Because," Nathan's eyes meet mine and he runs a hand through his dark brown hair, "she was in love with you. She only wanted you, but you never spared her a second glance. I guess...I guess that's why I got so pissed at you, but I can't help it. I watched her struggle countlessly and I wished that I could've been the one she wanted because I know I would've treated her like she deserved. I know we were all good friends, but...yeah..."

"I'm sorry," I grimace, "I didn't know..."

Is that why Melantha wanted me to stay away from Reine? Was she...jealous? Or did she actually have a genuine concern? Or perhaps both?

"Yeah," Nathan barks out in a laugh, "man, I know you didn't know."

"Sorry," I rub the back of my neck sheepishly and chuckle.

"What're we gonna tell her parents?" Nathan asks after a short while.

"Oh, shit," I breathe out, "I don't know..."

"Yeah..." Nathan sighs, running a hand through his hair again.

"Are we cool?" I ask, glancing over at him.

"Yeah," Nathan clears his throat, "yeah, I guess...it's just...it's gonna be hard, ya know?"

"Yeah," I smile sadly, "I know."

"It never gets easier," Shitau whispers from across the room and Nathan jolts in surprise.

"Dude!" Nathan shouts, throwing his pillow across the room, "way to eavesdrop!"

"Sorry," Shitau brings his legs up to his chest and sighs, "it's just that...I understand more than you know. And it gets pretty lonely...not being able to express the living hell I'm in."

"You understand?" Nathan laughs and runs a hand down his face, "how?"

"I know that I couldn't help Melantha, and I feel really bad about that," Shitau starts, "in fact, I've never been able to do anything right. Do you know how it feels to be a healer, to be able to help people, but never actually be able to do it? It makes me feel like I'm a complete and utter failure. I can't even save the people around me, the people I love."

"Reine mentioned you were...cursed," I start.

"Yeah..." Shitau sighs, his eyes downcast, "you could call it that. I personally feel more like it's a living hell than a curse, but what's the difference? To be so highly valued but not even capable of doing the one thing you should be good at, isn't that ironic? I've lost so many people in my life and had to sit back and watch them die. Either my abilities don't work, or something keeps me from physically using them. It just makes my anxiety and depression worse because the guilt, anger, sorrow, self-loathing, and bitterness overwhelm me."