Rock Bottom-Depression Story

Realisation

So its started about 4-5 months into year/grade 7, every night for no reason i would cry myself to self, i thought i was okay, i kept saying to my self 'i'm fine there is no reason for me to cry, i'm just being a big baby I've always been' but then i meet these two girls,who were both very open they were bisexual,so people called them names and they lived with broken families no dad for both and un-supportive mothers which made thing worst for both and they did cut themselves and did do other thing like starve themselves, but its been almost 7 months before they've done anything which is a great achievement for them, but i haven't told anyone i'm depressed because they wouldn't believe me saying 'no way your way to happy and bubbly' which yeah its true because i put a mask on every morning which i use to hide myself and this fake persona i only break that if i'm alone, but resonantly iv'e tried not to put a blade to my skin  i haven't i can't my anxiety stops me and the voice in the back of my head says why i shouldn't so i just drop the blade and cry. i'm happy now that i never put a blade to my skin,because it would of made my condition worst than it is i do other things, sometimes i would rip out my hair or just cry,and yes i have had suicidal thought of if i would hang myself or do a Hannah baker (where you slit your wrists and bleed to death)but i haven't tried any as of yet.but then a few weeks later my mum started taking tablets and she said nothing at first until i asked her what they were for and she told me that she had a episode one night and my dad took her to the pharmacy and the girl behind the counter said that she was depressed and she said its happen to most of the oldest girls on her side of the family and my dads older sister had it too,so then i took a ton of tests online and went to the therapist once or twice behind my mums back because i didn't want her to worry to much about me, all the tests said i was severely depressed and the therapist also said i was severely depressed too and it made me realise there is something wrong with me and it made everything worse and i barley went to school for 2 weeks i went 1 day through the week because i couldn't face everyone at school, after a few weeks i knew how to handle my depression and anxiety so i went to school more until i saw more popular people who started to cut themselves and show it off like 'look at what i did last night, its because i couldn't get to watch tv' and i would wonder why the fuck did you do that over a stupid little thing because they were obviously not depressed. 

thanks for listening to me again please if you do ave suicidal thoughts or you self harm get help before its too late. 

Williow333