My name is Magdalena Fitz-Delante, just call me Maggie. I'm currently 17, my birthday is within a month. My father gave me this empty book a few weeks ago and I decided to use it for my thoughts, some kind of diary. I live with my mother and older brother in a big house, most of the time I am alone with my brother, mum is always working. I finished school last year, this year I'm having a break. My dad is somewhere in Asia, I think it was China this time. I can't remember when my parents divorced, I only remember that nobody expected it. Now I've told some information. Let's try putting some thoughts down.
Maybe life isn't as easy as it seems. I'm dying inside. It feels like everything goes wrong. Like nobody loves me. I don't know how to tell my friends, my parents, everyone that's important to me. Most of the time I lose myself in the music, or writing stories. But sometimes I just lose myself, and I cry the whole day. And all that could help me, is a hug. Just one, simple hug. I don't cry out loud, my parents would notice me cry. Whenever I'm having a break-down, the whole world fades away, except me, and the bunch of problems I have to deal with. I'm not depressed, I'm lonely. I can't call this a depression. Can I? Nobody to talk to about this, so here it is, my diary. All I want is someone to wake me up and tell me that I had a bad nightmare.
I had a way out of this. A boy. This boy meant the whole f*cking world to me. He made me feel like I was somebody, he understands me and he filled in the emptyness in my heart. He left. He f*cking left me. How did he dare to. How could he. I can't stop thinking about it, but I have to. Get out of my mind, S, go away. I don't want you there anymore! I feel a huge emptiness in my body, in my mind, and in my heart. It might not be only from him, but it's right there, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's killing me, slowly from the inside. I feel more and more broken every day. I don't care about the haters anymore, they can say what they want. All I care about is him being okay and coming back one day. He's everything I think about. He's all I need to get fixed.
Maybe one day someone else will be there for me, but I still hope it will be him to make me feel better. Or maybe just myself again. But right now, there's nothing more I need, just him. He told me he didn't do well, but I think he don't know what he was doing to me, and if I can make it. But of course, he doesn't really care about that. He's just a selfish asshole. But an asshole I miss and I freaking like an love and all I can think about somehow. I can't imagine that people could have two different sides like that. But it's that way, no easier way to explain.
