To think id actually write here again makes me feel worse than i already do
I knew itd get worse... My depression...My anxiety... The abuse i never realized that i was going through and never questioned it until now. It would have been so much better if i had killed myself back then.. I wouldnt have to have panic attacks at 3 am or go to school or worry about life expenses but its too late now.. Every damn time i try to commit it never succeeded..i fucking hesitated and i hated it. I just want to go back to where ever i came from the only thing that matters in this life is money its all mom cares about. "I only love you when you get good grades" or "i only love you when your room is clean" selfish. I tried everything hanging, suffocation, cutting, contemplated pills and contemplating jumping out the car or running into a highway. And still...nothing ...i just want to get out this hell
