Count To Three

.count two.

  The name's Liu Jiahao.

" 我叫家豪刘。"

I am a twenty-nine-year-old dude that's not pretty chill with almost everything. Like this too in fact. I'm only writing whatever I think in my head because this is

I am a twenty-nine-year-old dude that has a younger sister

"该死。我根本不能写。"

Whenever you think of siblings, the older kids are always told to protect their younger sibling, right? Sorry, I can't think of anything else to say. After all, I'm here, wasting away many pages of paper from wondering what to write.

Anyway, I don't know about you, but I was told- on a daily basis- to look out for my younger sister. Hong-Fei who's younger than me two years. Two years less of education than me, two years less of everything. It didn't seem that bad since two years didn't seem that long. That didn't look like a hard job to do.

As the older sibling, I was given almost everything, but as soon as Hong-Fei came, I was pretty much invisible. My parents would pay Hong-Fei more attention as if I was some kind of 'failed-experiment' because of my low marks in school.

I was their stupid child as I'd get in trouble for speaking my mind.

I'd get in trouble by being blamed. I'd get in trouble for really anything that can cause people to scream, hit and screw with my head. It wasn't because I was disabled. I was just the boring old me.

And people hated the fact I spoke my mind.

People always want you to pretend so that they can like you but for me, who cares. It's all about real first impressions. And literally, who does care about your fake smiles and all that good stuff- only to be disappointed further on?

" 让人们品尝到你的苦涩和甜蜜。"

Because of Hong-Fei receiving all she ever wanted, all I could do was continue being annoying.

I'd pull on her hair. I'd steal her little princess dolls, break them, and hide them away under my mattress. And- I'd cry as loud as I can. And yet, after all of that, Hong-Fei still kept to herself. You could've-

She could've snitched on me anything I was bothering her, but she didn't. You'd almost never see her angry.

If I did something terrible to her, she wouldn't speak up. And if I start crying, she'd cry along with me. It was like she was my perfect sibling. But, she seemed to be... way too perfect for me.

" 老实说，我从一开始就不喜欢你。"

Remember about the two-year thing I said earlier? Yeah, well, scratch that off. That meant nothing when it comes to Hong-Fei. Sure, I was older, but Hong-Fei was better at everything compared to me.

And since she exceeded everybody's expectations, she stood out way more because I'm the idiotic brother who desperately wanted someone to look at me. Even if I did receive attention, people looked at me as if I didn't know any better.

It's stupid. I didn't like it.

That's why I didn't like Hong-Fei from the start.

- - -

There was a time when us 'perfect siblings' split apart and that was after her high school graduation.

Hong-Fei immediately went to college to become a doctor- your typical stereotypical Asian dream. But as for me, I moved out and lived alone to volunteer here and there to make a living.

I didn't like Hong-Fei's choice at all.

Asian parents tell you all the time to grow up fast and become a doctor from the very start. It didn't matter what your dreams were because they'd be shattered the second you utter those words out. But for Hong-Fei- it seemed like she genuinely wanted to work in the medical field.

So, while everybody's expectations for her rose up higher than before, I wanted to shout out those words through her thick head immediately. But, I didn't.

I wasn't supposed to be the one to tell her what to do. I didn't want to break her feelings. Plus, even if I did come close to that topic, I wouldn't even know what to say.

It's been eleven years since I've seen her. Think about it. All that communication completely shut down. Is it funny? But it turns out that you-

" 不是吗？"

There was a point when I finally broke down over the fact I wanted to see you-

It was because of her; I kept making breakfast for two although now I live alone. It was because of her I kept leaving the door unlocked when it was time for her to come back from work. It's stupid. I'm dumb.

Those habits kept with me. It was all me. My fault.

I didn't talk to her in so long because I was so ashamed of myself. I eliminated all that communication between us and I knew that. I was supposed to be the older brother, a role model, for my younger sister but I immediately screwed it up. It was only then a question flashed in my head.

Who was Hong-Fei?

I forgotten how she acted. I forgot every single smile she showed me. Be right back

After sobering up a little, I went to my parent's place which was a four-hour drive away. I even cut off the connection from my parents- stupid enough. And as soon as I received my answer, I wasn't mad at her but myself.

I was too late. Stupid late. Nobody told me, but that was because I was stupid. Will Hong-Fei forgive me? Please. She didn't have to do that. Why did she do that? Why did she do that? Why? Out of all the things she could've done, she decided to keep quiet all the way until the end when she needed someone the most.

She should've waited for me to come.

She should've waited until her brother was going to stand with her. It was supposed to change. Instead of her always having my back, I was supposed to have hers, but I was too late.

" 这是我的错。"

[ the cover is from the manga bright light sprout by ichikawa kei ]