The Dog and the Duckling//Blackinnon

Summer 1981

Order meetings grew more difficult to stomach with each passing week. The news was never good. They were losing the war.
Heavily pregnant Molly Weasley looked like she'd seen a dementor as she listened to Dumbledore recounting the murders of her younger brothers, Gideon and Fabian Prewett.
Dumbledore stood tall and stone faced while he confirmed the Order's suspicion that Voldemort was targeting the families who signed the refusal to submit to Voldemort's decree. The recent murders of the Boneses and the Prewetts made it appear that he was going down the list of signatures in the order they were signed and killing off only the pure blood families to make a point.
Dumbledore hadn't planned any new missions in months. The best they could do was stand their ground and try to stay alive. There was an oblique but potentially relevant prophecy that Dumbledore talked to a select few members about but Sirius was not one of them.
He watched as the surviving members filed out. Every one of these people had felt loss. They were uniformly drained; both physically and emotionally. There was no clear picture of what the future would look like, if they lived to see it.
James and Lily had been asked to stay behind but James caught Sirius before he left.
"Meet us at Godric's Hollow after. Marlene can come as well."
Sirius nodded and then left them to their meeting.
He caught up to Marlene and took her hand in his. His impulse was to maintain physical contact with her as much as possible. It felt as if she might disappear if he didn't hold on.
Generally that sort of anxiety would suggest paranoia and an unhealthy attachment. With the world like it was, however, it wasn't an unreasonable worry. Either of them could be the next target. He hoped... if the the Death Eaters came after them, they'd come after them together. The most terrifying thing about falling in love was the possibility that he would have to live without her.
They'd only known each other for a year. She'd moved in last month, after managing to complete her 7th year despite the tragic loss she was coping with.
Despite the newness of it all, he'd have rather parted with his wand arm than with her. She was the bright spot in a dark world. He wanted to protect her... if only it were that simple.
"James asked us to meet him at Godric's Hollow. Is that alright with you?"
"Sure. It'll be good to see little Harry. His smile with the 4 little teeth is too much. I love that kid."
"He's just about the only one left smiling these days. But you're right. His 4 tooth grin is contagious. He's a good egg."
Once the four of them settled in James and Lily's sitting room, with 11 month old Harry on the floor playing with some various blocks and toys, James started in with an explanation of what a Dumbledore had told them.
"There's some sort of prophecy that seems to point to the wizard who has the power to defeat Voldemort. And Dumbledore thinks he might go after those who it could pertain to. Preemptively."
James's voice was lifeless and his words were clipped. Staring blankly at nothing, his mind seemed far away. He looked like a shade of the optimistic young man he'd been at his wedding, just over two years prior.
"And you're one of them?"
"No. Harry. Harry and the little Longbottom boy."
Both young couples turned their focus to Harry where he played on the floor. He didn't look like the rival of a dark lord. He had only just learned to walk last month. Sirius hardly knew how to process the news James had given him.
"He's going after babies?"
"He already has. My niece and nephew were just babies. That didn't stop him." Marlene reminded.
"You're right. Nothing's going to stop him. Does Dumbledore have some sort of plan?"
"He wants us to go into hiding. A Fidelius. We'll need a secret keeper..."
"I'm too obvious a choice."
"Who then?"
"I could do it." Marlene volunteered.
"No." Sirius quickly realized his rapid knee jerk reaction sounded unkind. The thought of Marlene in any extra danger made him irrational. He took a breath and laced his fingers with hers as he attempted to correct himself.
"I know you'd do it little duck, and I know you just want to help. I just think it would be better if they chose someone that no one would think of."
"Well I'm hardly going to put my son's life in the hands of Mundungus Fletcher." Frustration bled into James's voice. His jaw was clenched tight and he wrung his hands. There was only so far that his natural tendency toward optimistic tenacity could carry him. The prophecy was James's limit. He felt the future he'd imagined slipping through his impuissant fingers.
"Peter. He's loyal to James, but otherwise fairly weak and talentless. No one would suspect." Sirius let the words fall out from him just as the idea dawned on him.
He didn't think of the rat animagus very often since they'd left school. Even back then, they were the least close amongst the four Marauders. He had nothing resembling ill-will towards Peter. He wasn't a bad sort. Sirius just considered him to be less than stimulating company.
He'd found it tiresome that Peter couldn't really keep up. He was neither as bright, nor as proficient with magic as the rest of the group. James on the other hand was patient with Peter's weaknesses. James was kinder and better than Sirius in so many ways. Sirius was drawn to people who had something to teach him. James Potter had taught him that goodness was a choice he could make. He still had so much to learn from his closest friend. He never had a thing to learn from Peter.
It was his mediocrity that made him perfect as a secret keeper that no one would suspect. His loyalty to James was, of course, the most important thing but Sirius. Peter had to have been eternally grateful to James for his efforts in including him.
"We could ask him I suppose. It's not a bad idea." Lily replied.
She knew that the fidgety little friend of her husband was someone he trusted, so she did as well. Peter never got comfortable around Lily and he was always James's friend rather than hers, unlike Sirius who'd become a genuine friend to her as well. Vastly different also from Remus who had been her friend before she could even stand to be in a room with James Potter.
She thought it was probably just a matter of shyness. He'd had the benefit of sharing a dorm with the three male Gryffindors for years before he ever even attempted small talk with Lily. He wasn't brash or outgoing like James. He wasn't naturally charming like Sirius. He wasn't even studious like Remus. Peter had a much more difficult time socializing outside of that group. So she didn't think it was all that unusual that he hadn't become close with her at any point. She was sure that they had no cause for enmity between them, so it had to have been something like that.
"We should keep this to ourselves. Probably best if everyone assumes it's me. Even Remus."
Sirius hadn't even voiced his worries directly to James before that moment. It was a painful subject. Suspecting his close friend made him feel sick, but he really hated himself for his own role in pushing Remus away.
The shrieking shack incident was a shining example of everything wrong inside Sirius. Snape had all the qualities that Sirius hated in his own family. He was a contemptible, hate-filled little snake who thought he was so clever for suspecting that Remus was a werewolf that he had to use it as a weapon against Sirius in one of their numerous unpleasant hallway exchanges. Sirius still thought that the anger he felt towards him was entirely justified. It was unconscionable that he let that anger take hold of him to the point that he'd impulsively divulged information that his friend had entrusted him with. He was blind with rage and didn't consider the possible repercussions until the damage was done.
"Even Remus?" The tone of James's questioning echo gave the clear impression that he was uneasy about the implications.
If Remus was betraying them for the sake of protection from the pack of werewolves, it was likely that Sirius had sewn the seeds himself. As a werewolf, he would never really be safe. The fact that someone who was supposed to be a trusted friend could have earned him a death sentence may have made him leary of trusting anyone outside other werewolves. It wasn't even unreasonable.
So Sirius went on hating himself, and put words together that would put the topic to rest.
"I don't... it's hard to trust anyone. I hope that my worries about his whole mission... thing...are unwarranted. I just don't want to risk it when your son's life is in danger."
"I suppose you're right." Lily sounded so resigned.
"Lily, if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know. I can't imagine what you're going through. But I know you're Sirius's family... and that means I want to do anything I can to make this whole thing easier on you. Do you think Harry'd like a kitten? Our neighbors have a half-kneazle litter to find homes for. I'm also a decent cook and I could bring you all a meal if that sounds ok?"
Lily was visibly taken aback by the flood of offers to help. James signaled for Sirius to follow him into the kitchen for a word. Sirius didn't know what it was about but went on ahead.
"Problem?"
"Are you going to ask her to marry you or what? Because she's... you won't do better mate. Harry could use a Godmum..."
Sirius exhaled in relief. It wasn't more bad news. It was only James being James. It was encouraging that he still had traces of the friend Sirius had treasured since they were 11. He was still an optimist and a ridiculous romantic somewhere deep at his core.
Normally, Sirius would have come up with some clever retort to twist the topic round on James. Both would have a good laugh at their own expense. But all things considered, Sirius could only answer in earnest.
"I thought maybe it would be wiser to wait and see if we lived through the next year or so before thinking about all that..."
"Why?"
"Uggghhhhhhh"
"So you'll think about it?"
Well now that James had gone and said it of course he'd have to think about it. How was he ever going to stop thinking about it? Was there any sort of coherent answer to the one word question James had posed? He had been doing a fine job of avoiding that train of thought before. Of course James would look very pleased with himself over inflicting this upon his best mate.
"You're a terrible friend and a terrible influence. I hope you know that."
"Yes. My loving marriage and sage advice are actually just meant to make you think really hard and get wrinkles before I do. That was my evil plan."