Roses And Torns

~5~

Clara McNeill

Here I am , awake at 5 in the morning thinking about him.

I couldn't sleep earlier and I still can't now. I keep thinking about all that me and him have been through, 2 years of pain , building trust and ups and downs. I keep thinking to myself that maybe it's time I put this case to rest, bury the hatchet. I've played my cards and I still haven't cracked him.

You love him clara. The voice spoke for the first time since my journey home.

"Don't be stupid, he's my patient and I'm his psychiatrist plus he's a psychopath, he's absolutely bonkers" I reply,  scratching my head.

He may be crazy but that's what you love about him, he's different to any other man you have ever met. He's unique.

"He's also a murderer" I laugh.

Murderer or not you love him. I can see it and I don't even have eyes!, the thought of him drives you deluded. You can't go five minutes without him entering your thoughts and taking them over.

I'm starting to take in what the voice is saying, maybe I do love him?. Maybe the voice is telling me stuff that my brain doesn't want to hear but my heart does, he does take up the majority of my thoughts.

I turn over to look at my alarm clock, shit it's half 6 in the morning. Was I actually thinking for that long? Time flies by when your dreaming about a sociopath I guess. I chuckle at my little joke and try get some what comfortable in hopes I'll drift off to sleep.

I think he feels the same too. Before you say anything, if he didn't why hasn't he hurt you yet? You've been his psychiatrist for the for the past 2 years and not once has he hurt you. The voice quickly spoke.

Does J love me ?