Love, Loki

[one]

"So, Thor, what brings you here?" Strange hummed, crossing his lean legs, figure twisting to adjust comfortably in his padded chair, blue eyes intensely staring into mine. He knew. He knew exactly what I was here for, and yet here he was, asking me to repeat already acknowledged information. 

I shuffled in my own chair, the velvet scratching softly against my bare arms. I opened my mouth, nothing coming out for a couple moments. 

"Bring him back."

I'm scared of my own voice echoing against the walls of the book filled room, formerly filled with enthusiasm to live - but now, the noise came out empty. My whole body could relate to a walking carcass, my skin pale, my t-shirt hanging loosely off of my body. My eyes seemed to be permanently dyed red, watermarked from the many sleepless nights spent crying. 

The doctor sighed, dropping his once confident look, to his clean shoes. My eyes followed expectantly as his black boots rhythmically tapped against the hardwood floor. "You know that I can't do that." he spit out carefully, flinching as my hopeful expression dropped into something solemn. 

He lied. They all did. 

"You can do it. You're just not." I argued, my point weak against the point I knew he was going to say. 

And he said it. I zoned out, barely catching onto anything he said, since it was expected. Dimensions of time, breaking the rules of the universe.. all that important stuff. 

I only wanted my brother back. 

Loki's loss had ripped open a canyon inside of me, and it seemed like I was eternally falling into the darkness. There was no more light at the point of where I was. 

My shoulders crumpled, and the only wall that had been between breaking down and maintaining my "okay" act, collapsed. 

The tears of disappointment had slipped out before I could stop them, addicting, as they went on - one after another. And another. And another. The droplets of a unvictorious victory sliding across my abused skin. 

Two months ago, the Avengers had won back planet Earth from the titan, Thanos, but not before he could end Loki's life with a simple roll and flick of his wrist. 

And it had killed me. 

The cheers of the people around me were nothing, muted, against my own sorrow. They call me a hero, but what kind of hero am I, if I couldn't save my own brother? Strange sighed again, staring at me. "Thor..." he started, his voice thick with concern as he got up out of his chair. 

"Do you remember the time when I trapped Loki and made him fall for thirty minutes? He was so pissed, after I let him come out." Strange chuckled, tinkering with the infinity stone hanging from his neck, that had been returned to him recently.  

His words failed to bring a smile to my face, still etched in stone hard tragedy. The memory was faint, almost like a film playing in my mind, but it was old. Black and white, frayed at the sides. The only thing I recalled from the day was how good Loki looked when he was angry. 

"Do you also remember the time when..." the sorcerer trailed off, as it clicked to him - he didn't have any other memories of Loki, or moments spent with him. 

I spoke up then, crossing my arms on my lap, elbows on my knees as I dropped my head into it. "Just... stop." I growled roughly, unable to take his fake sympathy any longer. He didn't miss him. It was only me.

Only I that yearned to touch him, to see him smile, to even be assaulted by him once more. 

No one else. 

I didn't know what caused the words that came next, to come next, but it was music to my ears. 

Strange pursed his thin lips, fiddling again with the time stone, before releasing a final, heavy sigh. 

"Fine.." he murmured, licking his chapped lips before continuing, "I'll do it."